I'm Published! (and some disappointment)

I attempted to post yesterday, but the internet was being a douche. So I gave up and watched SVU in bed.

 I wrote an article related to a project/course that a coworker and I developed and teach. I submitted the article to our national association that has a quarterly publication. They accepted and printed it! Woooo! My article is on 3 glossy pretty pages, yay!

 I also heard back from a former boss of mine who now teaches in a field that is the main overview of my job. He said that he is doing a new course and would like me to teach for a day (I asked him about it last year). WOOOOOOO!

 I ran out of razors last week and felt the desire to shave my legs. I splurged and got 4-bladed razors. Holy Fuck! I have seriously been missing out on a nice smooth and cut-free shave all these years in the interest of being a cheapskate! Never again. I am hooked on the 4-blade razor. Mmmmhmm. That shit made my legs sexy smooth. Granted, only I will know and feel that. But at least it makes me happy, right?

 Mr. Jack Skellington helped me review and brainstorm stuff to try to obtain a goal I have always wanted to achieve. Very useful stuff. Upon further contact clarifying things related to my goal, I found out I cannot yet achieve it. This makes me very sad and disappointed. As I know I can currently reach the goal and be awesome after achieving it. But people and stupid rules prevent it from coming to fruition. I have a list of things I need to do to reach the goal. I will be damned if I do not go above and beyond to get all of them and then kick some muthafuggin arse on my pursuit of my life's dream.

I am worried that I will not be able to afford the requirements to achieve my dream.  It will cost upwards of $1,500 for me to accomplish what I was told needs to be accomplished.  This makes me very sad.  I earn enough money now to just get by with some occasions to eat out.  All the rest goes to bills, gas/transport and food.  I will not lie.  I feel pretty cheated right about now by people who lack vision and the ability to think outside the box.  *sigh*/endrant

This article/photo collection made me happy. I think it is important for people to realise that we are all human. Thank you, theChive.

I have found in life that I do not attract the kind of man I am attracted to.  This is also disappointing to me.  Most recently, a self-proclaimed anarchist contacted me on the dating website.  He was very articulate and verbose in his writing.  He also exhibited drive for the things he found important in life.  Which I applaud.  But given me and given him.  Yeah.  That will NEVER work.

But his last message to me (after I responded in answering some questions he had), was very eloquent.  And I felt the need to share it here:

"Thank you for your thorough, and revealing response to my inquiries. I think that you are correct in your assessment of our affinity. I doubt we could be friends, just because I am sure we posses contrary radical belief systems. Radical, coming from the latin root radix, meaning root. I believe that sharing space would be rather enjoyable, maybe even exciting, but when it comes down to it I believe that the system you choose to support does not have my best interests in mind. 

I do not wish to suggest that you are a bad person, in fact I feel that within my investigation of your profile, and a very thorough on at that, I found much love, care, and support for the things you believe. I enjoy anybody that lives life with their convictions, just as long as those convictions are not forced upon others. This is where I feel we would disagree. I think that any system that needs to use overarching force upon its own citizens is inherently flawed. I recognize that some are doing the best with what they are offered, or provided, but I require a grander introspection. I wish to witness a day when people no longer begrudgingly accept what they are given, but fight vehemently for what they want. I do not believe I am anti american, but rather anti totalitarian. Thomas jefferson, also a self proclaimed anarchist is one of my favorite dead white dudes, and he would be rolling over in his grave if he saw this country in the state it is now. 

I also respect everyones right to have their opinions, as long as those opinions do not become oppressive actions. That is the distinction between an anarchist and everyone else. Anarchy is simply the mutual respect for voluntary associations. This is not an understood, nor respected belief within the structure you choose to defend. 

Again, thank you for your time, and showing you valuing me as a human being by respectfully responding in kind. I wish the best for you in life, and love.

Love and chaos,

xxxxxxx"

Climbing Mountains and shit

Today kicked my ass.  Woke up way too early for a weekend day to go hiking with Team RWB Boise again.  This time we hiked up Cervidae Peak.  Total mileage roughly 8.5mi.  Half of it basically straight up.  Just when you think you're going to have a break on going up, nope, false peak, keep going.  Ugh.  My hammies and quads and everything else waist downward will hurt like a muthafucka tomorrow.  At least I only carried my camelback with water rather than my regular rucksack.

Here's the route I mapped using Backcountry Navigator and uploading to this website: Cervidae Peak

And now pics:

All the pics were taken from the end/top.  I took others, but these are the best ones I think.  The last one was taken by a fellow hiker and I liked it so much, I just had to add it.

And now, since my internet is shitting out on me less than every 30 seconds....in the interest of me not destroying things, I shall conclude this post and add more tomorrow.

GD'd Fuggin' Awesome day!

Today has been a good day.  Today is the kind of day that I wake up and live for.  Today is a day that brings a smile to my face.

I have noticed that after I joined various activity groups, interacting with people with similar interests as myself, my general happiness in life has increased.  Being around people that are also happy and motivated makes a huge difference in a person's outlook on life.  At least it does for me.

 Photo c/o Shutter Thug (awesome photographer)

I have roller derby practice on Saturday mornings.  I suck at roller derby.  And I am not trying for modesty here.  I really do suck.  A lot.  And I am totally fine with that.  I go to practices to have fun- to interact with an amazing group of people who are so supportive and helpful (especially to a newb like me) and so very talented.  I have been doing derby for about one year now.  When I started, I did not even know how to skate.  Now I can do quite a few things.  Not as many as I would like, but practicing and commitment to the goals will get me there.  Today we did a lot of footwork.  I had a great time!

I do have a fear I need to overcome.  Last month I had an accident.  We did 27-and-5, which means try to skate at least 27 laps on the track within 5min.  I usually get around 12-17 laps.  We had just finished and were slowing down as a cool down.  A teammate ran into me from behind and I fell hard on my tail bone.  It took about 4 weeks for it to finally heal.  And was not a process I would like to go through again.  I do not blame my team mate.  Shit happens.  And I know she feels terrible about it.  It's derby.  Pain happens.  But now, I have this fear while skating laps that someone will plow into me from behind again.  It is a fear that is holding me back.  I need to overcome it.  But am not quite sure how other than doing what I am doing- still skating and not letting it stop me.

After that, I watched some lovely Det. Olivia Benson kicking some ass.

Then it was time for Panda and I go rucking....with a group...to a place with other people and dogs!  ZOMG!  I would be lying if I said I was not a wee bit anxious about taking Panda along.  She is a rescue.  I believe she was not properly socialised when she was younger and now has anxiety issues when she sees other dogs.  Her initial reaction is to go on the defensive and snap at the other dog.  And when the other dog reacts negatively- game on!  Time to fight!...maybe?  Her lack of experience around other dogs makes her very frustrating to handle when exposed to them in a rather uncontrolled environment.

So, went Rucking with the group.  Up a steep ass hike to a point overlooking the entire city.  The view alone was worth the almost-grueling hike.  I had been up there before, but you can drive close to it and do an easy hike in.  Today, we started from the bottom.  I chatted with various members along the way.  It is so nice getting to meet other people in general, much less interesting people who take an active roll in their lives.  And Panda did pretty well!  Only a few minor tiffs.  She's a trooper with her own ruck sack filled with water bladders, hahaha!

Afterward, we met at a local microbrew/restaurant downtown.  And this is where my brain started to cease to function optimally.  Which is a fancy way of saying my blondeness took control and I became an idiot.  After chatting and eating, guess who discovered she left her wallet in the Jeep?  Yup.  This gal.  So I power walk the 3 blocks to parking garage and discover I cannot leave the garage because you have to pay before leaving and since I did not have money on me at the time I entered the garage, I was stuck in there.  I took Panda out, we walked back to the restaurant.  We walked into the restaurant (with everyone cooing over her) and I paid my bill.  And fuckitall, I forgot my leftovers.  ARGH!  That was a damn good BLT with egg.  BOOOOO!

Team RWB’s mission is to enrich the lives of America’s veterans by connecting them to their community through physical and social activity.

Flatulence R Us

Important information I learned this week: Hannibal's GI tract does not process wheat berries in an aromatically pleasing manner.  Today was thankfully the last day of my consumption of them from the ENORMOUS batch I made earlier this week for all my meals at work.  Trying to sleep when you're tired, but cannot due to the level of gas passing out of your ass AND the gut retching smell of aforementioned gas is a great way to keep you awake.  FML.

Other things I have learned recently:

It is harder to get financing for a Tiny Home than originally thought.  Some builders classify them as travel trailers.  Others classify them as RVs.  Either way, when you call a bank asking for an RV loan (for the kind that are classified as such) for a Tiny Home, the bank balks and advises you that RVs are not for permanent residence and thus they cannot give out a loan for a Tiny Home that will be lived in.  *sigh*  I need to call a few more banks/credit unions to see if they all say that.

So far, they have recommended I get a personal loan instead.  Hey, guess what twat nuggets?  I would not be financing this "home" if I have enough collateral to pay for it!!!!  Dipshits.  Talk about exasperating.

I compiled a massive collection of websites and ideas on my Pinterest Page for tiny home/garage/sustainable living.

For now, I think a temporary plan is to get a used RV or travel trailer and live in it for a few months.  I found a great RV park that actually has almost zero crime and the owner will let me live there even though it is a 55 and older park.  Woooo!  Best part- the park is close enough to work that I could either run/walk or bike!  That means I can save money on gas and wear and tear on the Jeep.  Which will all go to help me save money in general to pay down debt to get collateral/down payment on my planned Tiny Home.  Huzzah!  *fingers crossed*

Bruneau Beast- Here I come!

Nothing new today.  At least nothing that I want to put on here.

Only exception is that I finally singed up for the Brueanu Beast 5K in June.  Wooo!

"You have beautiful eyes"

I need to start a new goal for myself.  I need to think positive thoughts on a more regular basis.  Sometimes I dwell too much on some negative thoughts, which then begin to fester away at me.  I need to think of some key word to remind myself when I fall into that negative Nelly habit. Blargh.

Amusing moment of the day.  I am a member of one online dating website.  I personally have never had good dating experience online and thus only go on there sparingly.  I realised my photos were a bit out of date.  And, well, since I'm a curmudgeon, I deleted most of them since I do not want most people to message me based solely on my photos.  I uploaded a photo.  The one posted a few posts back with me taking a rucking selfie with the Jeep and Panda in the background.  Note: I am wearing sunglasses in that photo.

I then receive a message shortly thereafter by the lovely "SamplerMT".  His message asks me how my week is going and "you have beautiful eyes by the way."  ?!?!?!?!  Whu..?  Did he seriously just tell me that?  He just used one of the most despised pick up lines ever on me....and clearly lied about it since you CANNOT SEE MY FUCKING EYES!  *sigh*  And there you have it, Kids.  Reason #A LOT why I am still single.  *facepalm*

Here, maybe this video will give you hope for the future.  I know it does for me.

As a single person in a society that does not look overly favourably on people of my status, I tend to be the third wheel in a many of my social interactions.  The vast majority of the people I know and associate with are in a relationship of some sort- either dating or married.  This gives me a unique opportunity to observe these various relationship interactions, both with each other and with me.  It allows me to see things that I agree with and/or appreciate and hope for in my future relationship(s).  It also gives me the ability to see things I do not necessarily like and/or agree with and hope to avoid in my future relationship(s).  I mentally compile a list of pros and cons in the hopes of trying to remember these things.  Since I can have pretty severe "blonde" moments, perhaps it would benefit myself to keep an ongoing list of my observations somewhere....like here. :-)  But since I am now tired and want to watch SVU, I'll rain check that shit and do it later...

Strong Women (and other peeps)

I saw this article today on my Facebook feed.  I read it.  And loved it.  Everything about it described me.  And it made me feel wholesome.  No.  Not wholesome.  It made me realise there are others out there just like me.  My sisters in awesomehood.

The article: "15 Things All Badass, Fearless Alpha-Women Do Differently From Other Types of Women."

This one is for you Mom and Dad.  For raising such an awesome daughter into such a strong-willed self assured independent-minded woman. :-)

Speaking of inspirational.  Another badass mothafucker I recently discovered is Derek Weida.  Once again, I'd like to thank my Facebook feed for showing his page to me.  I do not know a whole lot about the guy.  His "personal info" section on his profile says: "I'm Derek Weida. Wounded Veteran, former Paratrooper from the 82nd Airborne Division. Three words guide my new life: Engage, Encourage, and Empower. I'm just here to bring a little fun and motivation to what can sometimes be a really shitty fucking world. Let's have fun, let's lift some weights, and then we can all eat ice cream."  Now he is a workout machine! (Photo c/o his FB page)

The quote on his page is priceless and my own personal mantra in life:

"A little motivation, a little inspiration, and a whole lot of not giving a fuck."

Granted, being the eternally positive minded-person I am...I'd probably want to junk punch him if I ever met him.  But that's OK.  That's what FB is for- bridging the gap and permitting people not to engage in human face-to-face interactions, one news feed at a time.  It makes the world a happier place.

Although, I do have to add this here, since I'm being all honest and shit...

The picture fails to list a whole plethora of other attributes.  But at least it's a start.

Here is my badass mantra.  Live your life.  Be the best you that you can be.  Stop worrying about what others care and/or think.  Be happy with who you are.  And, if nothing else fails, go 300/Spartan on their ass.

I found another race that I am interested in participating in.  The Bruneau Beast in June.  Looks fun.  I just may sign up for it, among many others with my kickass Rucking team. :-)

Sookie Fucking Stackhouse

Is one damn lucky biatch. Yeah yeah, her life is in danger constantly. She has almost died numerous times. Torture, murder, mayhem, etc, are all just general M.O. for her stories. But fuck, man. Her male interests in True Blood! *sigh* Gets my blood going, mmhmmm. Her, not so much. The dudes? Yes, please. Here is just a taste of the eye candy I am alluding to:

Say Hello to Eric Northman, a hot Viking vampire played by Alexander Skarsgaard.

^This is Alcide Hervaux, a hot werewolf played by Joe Manganiello.

And the women characters are, if nothing else, amusing.  I personally think most of them need to eat a few more sammiches to look truly attractive.  But I do love me some Pam.  Badass Pam.

I'm currently watching Season 7 at the behest of Ms. Diana Prince.  She insists that I see it so that we can be caught up together.  Well.  Let me tell you.  A scene of two steaming hot men without shirts having a hetero-homo-inquisitive moment in Hannibal's world is classified as SUPER HOT.  Mmmmm, Jason and Ben-Warlow.  Mmmm.  But the photo below will have to do and thus be added to my fantasy bank for future reference (just insert me where Sookie is, hahahaha!).

Went rucking today with the Pan-dawg.  Let me just say that it disappoints me greatly when people do not Tread Lightly or follow Leave No Trace mantras.  The area that I take Panda is sort of an off road park area.  But the amount of trash people leave there is despicable.  Not to mention the left over shells/casings, carcasses and newly formed ruts from people not following the designated trails.  Ugh.  People are so careless.

We climbed to the top of a butte and I had to be careful of her paws since there was so much broken glass up there.  Stupid people.  Here she is atop the butte:

I found this article titled, "50 Movies that are sexier than 'Fifty Shades of Grey'".  I am intrigued.  I now have a nice list of sexy movies to view and decide if they fit Hannibal's hot or not lists. :-)

And, just because I told her I would put it in here.  I want to announce that Ms. Prince today only shaved one of her legs.  Yes.  That is right people.  She claims she was too distracted by me calling her on the phone while she was in the shower to do the other leg.  Oh my oh.  What a silly woman.  Glad to know I have such power of influence on people from afar.  Now if only I could do that with a penis-carrier, too!  Someday.  Some.  Day.

I seriously do not understand that.  I think I am one Goddamned fucking awesome female.  I have my shit together.  I am mentally stable of sound mind and body.  I am healthy.  I am in shape.  I am (for the most part) financially stable and having a fucking fantastic credit score.  I have a full time job.  I have no children.  I go out and do shit, either with friends or on my own.  I have my life together.  I am educated.  I come from a stable home life.  So, why in the fuck does no one want to date me?  OK, let me re-phrase.  Why do no men with the attributes I listed above for myself want to date me?  I will tell you.  Because, here in the great state in which I live, they are all married, re-married and have spawned multiple times over.  ARGH!

I mean, just look at the shit I enjoy doing:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OK, so that is only a taste of me.  As compiled by as many impersonal photos of me that I could find (save for the tattoo photo- I got that while I was a zookeeper and the artist loved tigers, so the photo was in thanks for her excellent work).  I also realise, bitching about it does not fix it.  But sometimes, a good rant just feels so good.  Am I actively looking?  Nope.  Do I care?  Probably more than I realise.  Is my life less fulfilled as a result?  Nope.  Not a bit.  My life is damn awesome.  Sometimes I just wish I had someone to share my awesome moments (e.g. life) with.

/end rant.

And finally, a photo that has me in it...somewhere.  Credit goes to Shutter Thug for taking and editing it.  Love me some derby time!

Fifty Shades of "Laters, Baby"

Today, after a rousting bout of kayaking on a local lake and having a lovely battle with the wind and currents, I went to see Fifty Shades of Grey with some friends (all female, mind you).

Prior to the film, we met for lunch.  I drank a bit too much.  Apparently, I can be a cheap date.  I get pretty tipsy after 1.5 pints of IPA.  I impressed myself.  Glad I didn't drool or snooze through the film.  Although, I did have to run out for a potty break, and, of course, miss a nice sex scene.  *sigh*

Now, to discuss the film, book and various perceptions of the story in general.

Opinions are like assholes: The majority of the human population has at least one.  I am not ashamed to admit I have the entire trilogy of books.  I read every one.  I read the first one twice.  I even took a break while reading it to, well, entertain myself.  Yup.  I said it.  So what?  That is the purpose of the first book.  Let's keep in mind, the series is the invention of the author, just like most works of fiction.  Let's say that again, F-I-C-T-I-O-N.  Not only fiction, but in the smutty romance genre.  I have read FAR WORSE smutty fiction.  FAR MORE humiliating, violent, demeaning and disturbing smut fiction.  Why is such a raucous being made about this particular series?  Because it is popular.  It has reached mass marketing of mass marketing.

Now, I must admit, from my perspective, the book series got gradually worse (e.g. more boring), the more mainstream the relationship between the man and woman became.  The more the story line began to emphasize marriage and children, I lost interest.  Why?  Because I have no interest in either of those things.  I do not aspire to meet a man, fall madly in love, sign over the rest of my life and financials and pop out a few dumplings.  Nope.  Not for me.  Not a single fantasy of mine has involved any of those things.

What did I like about the first book?  Sex, of course.  Lots of it.  With a man depicted as a great googgly moogly Adonis.  Not to mention being filthy rich and seeming to have a fairly decent choice in vehicles.  Although, if we're honest with each other, I'd be more interested if he had a Bolwer Wildcat and went on rally runs rather than gliding.  Or if he drove an Aston Martin V12 Vanquish rather than an Audi R8.  But, let's face it, I'm not your standard "female reader."  I pay attention to those details.  Not the height of her heels or brand of her dress and purse.  Seriously?  Who gives a fuck?  They're clothes.  BOOOOOOORING.

I do like the following quote from the book:

“Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Perhaps I've spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high.” 

Hannibal response- I'm not an overly romantic gal.  I would like to have some in my life.  But I believe my thorough lack of finding a person to be romantic with, much less letting a penis get near my vagina, is due to my high level of expectation.  I have been single for so long that the idea of not being single is strange to me.  I am not against it.  Nope.  Not at all.  I have been single for so long, I'm not even sure what a penis looks like any more.  Sad.  Very sad.  Reason?  The owner of a penis must meet a rigorous set of guidelines in order to be exposed to me and thus be used by and for me.  So far, 95% of men I meet fall far short of those guidelines.  Therefore, no penis for this vag.  And this makes me incredibly sad (and fucking frustrated as shit....but we can save that for another blog post).  Therefore, reading books and watching a film called Fifty Shades of Grey, I find to be entertaining.  If I cannot have sex (due to the frightfully disappointing shortage of available men who are not crazy, have a full time job and are not intimidated by me), I might as well be entertained by reading and watching it.

And now, to end this post with things that make me wet and happy.  Mmmm, yes, more...more...MORE!

Fucking beautiful face.  I could gaze into that color for hours.  Thank you LR Defender for being such a work of art.  Look at that stance.  Imagine those 3-way adjustable Donerre dampers moving up and down, up and down, faster and slower as it moves over the uneven terrain.  Such a smooth dampened ride...

Dat backside.  Mmmmm, yeah, look at it.  So packed in there.  And look at that departure angle.  *heavy breathing*  Jey-zuz!

I just want to run my hands all over that body.  Look how smooth it is.  My eyes are just drawn to it.  I can hardly control myself.  I want to hear the sweet rumble of the 510hp 5.0 V8 supercharged engine from that Kazakh piece of machinery.  I want to feel the vibrations of each piece of the Sadev 6-speed sequential gear box fitted with a reduction gear working together.  Mmmm, yes.  I want all of it.

***And, to give credit where it is due, the photos of object of my affection is the Dakar Rally rig for Kazakhstan. --> See, no abuse here!

“He grabs me suddenly and yanks me up against him, one hand at my back holding me to him and the other fisting in my hair.

"You're one challenging woman," He kisses me, forcing my lips apart with his tongue, taking no prisoners. 

"It's taking all my self-control not to fuck you on the hood of this car, just to show you that you're mine, and if I want to buy you a fucking car, I'll buy you a fucking car," he growls.” 

Ok, now I need to find a man who is like that described above who wants to do that with me on the vehicle shown above. :-D  (titter teehee)

Roller Derby and Rucking = Lovely Valentine's Day

Today went something like this:

Get up butt fuck early (but not butt fucking).  Drag my ass to roller derby practice.  Have a fan-fucking-tastic time at practice.  Sooooo much fun!  Worked my ass off to the point I got nauseous.  It was great.  I'm still probably the worst skater out there and it takes me FOREVER to learn how to do things.  But I have a great time sucking at it. :-)

Get our group photo in, then haul ass to Hulls Gulch trail head to meet my RWB Boise GoRuck team to go ruck hiking.  Meet new people.  Enjoy the fantastic weather.  Bare some skin to the sun and get sweaty.  Holy shit!  This is the route we took:
RWB Hulls Gulch Hike at EveryTrail

Drive through big water puddles that are always in that parking lot and meet some fellow ruckers for lunch in Hyde Park.

Go get oil changed because I'm too lazy to do it.  Get K/N air filter that costs way too much.  Go home.  Clean up.  Put kayak atop Jeep.  Put doggles and harness on Panda, go for a drive to show off how awesome we are in our awesome Jeep with our awesome Wilderness Systems Tsunami lime green kayak.  Hilarity ensues.



My date for Valentine Day:

Debating whether I want to sign up for a GoRuck Light event in May here locally.

And now.  My body is sore.  Super sore.  I plan to get up early-ish tomorrow to go kayaking (sans Panda).  I hope my arms are up for it.  Sheesh.  Putting my rucksack in front for the brief time I did killed my arms.  Whew-wee!

It makes me so incredibly happy to find the rucking group I did.  Exercising with other people makes working out that much more enjoyable, especially when doing it outside enjoying nature as well.

Funny story of the day:
A person.  We will call her...Bonnie.  Bonnie and her love went out of town leaving Panda and I to hang out at home and be lazy from the day's activities.  Panda starts freaking out by crying, barking, howling and acting anxious.  We howl together for a bit.  I then go down the hallway.  I hear a strange noise from Bonnie's room.  I open the door.  The noise is louder.  Panda acts very upset.  I discover the source of the noise.  I laugh uproariously.  I call Bonnie.  I leave her a voicemail of Panda's freak out, the noise from the source and then Panda trying to eat the said source of the noise.  My evening's entertainment has most definitely been fantastic.

Now, back to Law and Order: SVU. :-D

Asinine Drivers *le sigh*

Scenario:

You are driving on a 2-lane road.  Speed limit is 50mph.  The vehicle in front of you (lifted 1990s Ford F150 with loud exhaust) is going 10-15mph UNDER the speed limit.  You have been behind this vehicle for a couple of miles and they are simply not going to go any faster.  You go into oncoming lane (checked to make sure no one is coming toward you) to begin passing the slower vehicle.  The slower vehicle sees you and speeds up pacing you, leaving you stuck in the left (oncoming) lane.  So you speed up more, as does the slower vehicle.  You manage to squeeze in front of them and slow down to a reasonable speed.  Previously slower vehicle now tailgates you and puts on their brights.

FML, really people?  W. T. F.  I simply put on my cruise control and refused to play their stupid and dangerous game.  Oh, and guess what?  They shortly stopped tailgating me since apparently going 54mph was too fast for them.  Sometimes I wish I had a superpower to mentally wish harm upon others for their stupid actions.  I kid you not.  And when I mean harm, I mean karma occurring....like, right now.  BAM!  blow out a tire.  Or SPLAT!  Giant bald eagle shit smeared across your windshield.  Love me some karma like that.

Am I the only person who sees someone update their Facebook status with something like: "I'm preggo!" (or some more creative way of saying: I made a poor choice and am now going to suffer for the rest of my life) or "Just got engaged to my honey bunny!" and my immediate first thought is "My sympathies"?  And then the follow up thoughts are either: "Are you keeping it?" and "When is the divorce scheduled for?"

Pet peeve of mine?  When some chick births a crotch fruit and then brings it to work and (I swear to Goodness Goddess sake) ALL the women come cooing over wanting to fawn over the creature (which more closely resembles a mini Gollum and makes the sounds of an annoying kitten).  Thus the room is now full of cooing, ooing and aaaahing.  And the spawn is passed among people fighting to see and touch it.  W. T. F.  Ew.  No no no.  Keep it away from me.  It's ugly.  I'm afraid to touch it for fear of breaking it or it shitting on me or spitting or some freak accident of SIDS or some shit.

According to the Pope from an article on Boston.com, my life is basically meaningless and full of solitude.  The quote:

"Pope Francis said Jesus does not like marriages that are sterile by choice and such marriages end in solitude, according to Vatican Radio."

Actually, I think the Pope would keel over with a heart attack if he saw the life I live:

• Full of unmarried sex (*snort, full of?  yeah right.  In your dreams, Hannibal) for the purpose of pleasure and not procreation (ew)

• No life partner (yep, I totally said life partner)

• No plans to squeeze out any crotch dumplings or tie the knot

• Areligious (hmmm, maybe agnostic?  Fuck, I don't know)

• Living with men and women (all unmarried)

• Working on Sundays

• Curses

• Itches my crotch in public (or pulls out a wedgie)

• Never read the Bible or any Holy Scripture (unless in my Religions East and West course in college)

• Am a firm believer in choice

• Am a firm believer in everyone being created equal and deserve the same rights (unless someone commits a crime so atrocious that they no longer apply to human rights)

I'm sure the list could go on, but now I'm hungry and want to eat a cheeseburger with bacon and lettuce and tomato and stuff on it.  I wont.  I'm too lazy to buy the food and prepare it.  I'm also too stingy to spend money for a restaurant to make it for me.  So I'll just sit here being hungry instead.