broken hearts of ideals

This past week i had an eye-opening experience into heart break. Not the mushy ooey gooey in love with a person heart break. I am referring to the shattering of ideals held dear.  Ideals that you hold your life to. Ideals you hold others that you have a higher than stranger respect for.

My heart broke a little. And it hurt. A lot. The bubble in which i fit my reality of the world i live in shifted and thinned in places.  It was already thin in some spots from various life experiences that have presented a variety of challenges. But, that's life. You encounter a challenge and have the choice to either quit and give in or step up and overcome. I tend to be in the latter category.

But this week? I was briefly brought to my knees. The temptation to give in loomed great and appealing.  I shed tears. I pondered. I had inner dialogue to dissect my recent experiences and weigh the pros and cons. I was hurt greatly. My world was altered. And it makes me sad.

For a time i was lost. i am thankful for the support group of friends i have established. They are my rock in times such as these. Granted, most had no idea of the inner battles i was waging, they were still there for me. And for that in itself, makes my world a great one.

So, even though my heart is broken over shattered ideals, i will persevere. I will get up. Dust my knees off and wipe away the blood. I have learned from these new experiences and taken measures to prevent future moral dilemma catastrophes such as these.

On Memorial Day i did the Murph Challenge.

 Wow! What an ass kicker that was! So utterly exhausting. And so utterly awesome. I am glad i did it. And finished in about 56:00!

I found this quote and thought it spoke to me of my dilemma and how to get through it. I now hold these words dear. I am trying to live by them. And you know what? I am happier as a result. Because there is truth in these words.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I must remind myself that not everyone sees the world in the same way or light that I do.  I must catch myself from becoming too immersed in things. Especially those that may lead to heart break. Unfortunately, i did not see this one coming. I put blinders on and thought "not me". Sometimes the lesson we learn is through the rougher path.

It is also a harsh reminder of the selfish ways of people. I may put up a hard ass exterior, but i try to see the good in people. When that is abused, I tend to take it personally. Then again, taking it personally only adds anguish and unnecessary stress. Therefore, i just remind myself that some people are twisted and ugly inside. They are small and insignificant. And in order to not face their own twisted nature, they try to bring down those who rise above. Not me. I am a good person. I know this. I live by this. And i am happy with this.

And, not to forget my love of tiny living and self sustaining shit, here is a badass idea that i want! http://www.iflscience.com/technology/harness-power-wind-and-sunlight-live-eco-friendly-egg-house

We. Are...Scotland!!!! *chest pounding*

I participated in my first Highland Games event this past weekend.  And, oh boy!  It was hella fun!  I think I have truly found my sports "people".  As a person with a body not built for speed and struggling with accepting that fact for years, it is quite nice to realize there are other activities out there for body types such as mine.  I have always been the powerhouse in the events I participated in.  In the majority of the triathlons I competed in, I usually finished near last in my groups.  Good thing most were staggered starts, hahaha!

I recall back in 2008 at the Outer Banks Oly Tri, there was a sewage dump in the water, so they canceled the swim (my strongest leg) and made it a duathlon.  Running is my weakest leg.  I finished WAY dead last in that triathlon.  They were starting to take stuff down by the time I crossed the finish line.  I also attended by myself.  So, I simply packed up my stuff and drove back home.  My blood sugar was in the 50s.  But I will be damned if I am a DNF/DNQ!  I crossed that line and accomplished something that was hellaciously hard (major cross winds on the bridges we biked across, ugh, and my gears broke).

So, now I need to read up on the Scottish American Athletic Association (SAAA-national) rules, watch a whole bunch of youtube videos on techniques, and join up on the Northern Rockies Chapter of SAAA. Wooo!

Here are the descriptions of each event in the games (thanks to NASGA):

Open Stone Put Similar to the shot put, except a stone is used that weighs usually between 16 and 22 pounds. It is called "open" style because any style of putting is allowed with the spin and glide styles being the most popular. The throwing area is a box 4'­6" wide and 7'­6" long. The thrower must keep one foot inside this area and not step over the back line or inside face of the trig or the throw is a foul.

Braemar Stone Put This stone put uses a heavier stone usually between 22 and 28 pounds and it must be put from a standing position. The same throwing area and fouls for the open stone apply.


56lb. Weight for Distance The weight can be either block or spherical shaped with links and a handle. The overall length cannot exceed 18". The weight is thrown with one hand in a throwing area 4'­6" x 9'. The thrower must keep one foot inside this area and not step over the back line or inside face of the trig or the throw is a foul.
28lb. Weight for Distance Same as the 56lb. Weight for Distance except a 28lb. weight is used.

22lb. Hammer Throw The hammer has a lead or steel head with a bamboo or rattan handle affixed through a hole in the head. The overall length cannot exceed 50". The athlete stands behind the trig with his back to the throwing area, winds the hammer around the head and releases over the shoulder. The athlete's feet must remain in a fixed position until the hammer is released. Boots with blades attached to the front of them are usually worn to keep the feet on the ground and in a fixed position.
16lb. Hammer Throw Same as the 22lb. Hammer Throw except a 16lb. hammer is used.

 

Caber Toss The Caber is a tree that has been cut and trimmed down so one end is slightly wider than the other. It can vary length from 16 to 22 feet and between 100 and 180 pounds. The smaller end is rounded off so it will be easy to cup in the thrower's hands. The caber is stood up for the thrower with the large end up. The thrower hoists the caber up and cups the small end in his hands. He then takes a short run with the caber and then stops and pulls the caber so that the large end hits the ground and the small end flips over and faces away from the thrower. The caber is scored for accuracy as though the thrower is facing the 12:00 position on a clock face. A judge behind the thrower calls how close to the 12:00 position the small end of the caber lands, 12:00 being a perfect toss. If the caber is not turned, a side judge calls the degrees of the angle the caber makes with the ground. Sometimes a Challenge Caber is also used which is larger than the Games Caber.

 

Sheaf Toss The sheaf is a 16lb. or 20lb. burlap or plastic bag stuffed with either chopped rope, straw, or mulch. The sheaf is tossed over a cross bar with a pitch fork. Three attempts are allowed at each height. If the thrower misses all three tries at one height, the he is out of the competition.


56lb. Weight for Height The weight for height is the same as used for distance except it is shorter. The weight is tossed over a cross bar with one hand. Three attempts are allowed at each height. If the thrower misses all three tries at one height, the he is out of the competition.

Now I need to research tartans and kilts.  I found a few tartans I like, but I also want to make sure they are meaningful in some way.  Not just pretty colors.  But something that applies to me.  I found a few that I like.  Looks like it'll cost me about $100 for a sport kilt cheaply made.  I better start saving ASAP!

There's just something...comforting? to be at an event surrounded by people wearing kilts, lifting and throwing heavy implements in inclement weather, grunting and swearing and being badass in general.  Yup.  Definitely my people.  I hope it works out that I can continue participating and work my way up to an actual event to compete in, yay!!!

Hogwarts and Muggles: GoRuck and RIP blue

I need to learn that every time I watch a Harry Potter film, I get this sense of loss and despair that the world perceived in the world of HP does not actually exist.  This saddens me.  I wish it did.  I realize the world is already a magical place as it currently is. But can you imagine REAL magic?!

I had my first GoRuck event this past weekend.  It was AWESOME!  I did not really do much preparation for it other than my regular workout routine and doing ruck hikes with Team RWB.  Since I do not have the internet where I live (I am currently at Ms. Prince's house doing this), I did not go online to see what the Cadre requested.  Good thing my friend, Ma'at picked me and we bought 4 bricks and wrapped them in gorilla tape before the event.

The hardest part of the whole event for me was the PT in the beginning.  Trying to hold my ~25-30lb ruck over my head for a prolonged period of time was hella hard.  We marched around with spare weighted things.  Then, as a team built a contraption we called the "Pendulum of Pain".  Basically four 5-gallon buckets filled with gravel/sand that we had to rig up to suspend under a roller that we could not impede its movement.  All attached to 2x4s that we lashed to other 2x4s.  We carried the contraption across a shoulder with 4 people on each side.  Except, if it was unbalanced, the rollers would push the buckets to one side or another, thus weighing down that side a fuck ton.  We marched around like this for a while.  Those that were not carrying the contraption, were carrying tubes full of water, weighted vests, etc.  When someone got tired under the contraption, weights were swapped out and someone else helped carry.  We ended with more PT. 

 

It was great.  I loved every minute of it.  My team was so much fun.  We worked very well together.  Everyone was positive.  No one quit.  I was actually disappointed it was over.  I wanted to keep going.  Therefore, I signed up for a GoRuck Tough challenge in Seattle on July 4. :-)  Tehehehe!  Bring on the punishment!

 

 

One of the participants had a memorial page attached to her ruck dedicate to the late Sgt Greg Moore of the Coeur d'Alene Police Depart who had been gunned down last week.  RIP, Brother.  I will not go on a rant or political regarding such things.  But rather, I will celebrate his life and giving his life to "Protect and Serve."

 

 



All in all, I am very happy with life.  I have eliminated those that were poisonous to a happy life.  I surround myself with like-minded happy-striving people.  I live in a space that makes me happy.  Money will always be an issue in my life.  But if that's the worst there is, at this moment, then I think I have done some things right in life.  There are the occasional frustrations that pop up here in life.  May it be at work, in my club(s), my health or personal life, I know that I will get through them.  I will overcome them.  Karma will come back to those that deserve it.  Till then, I will have to be patient and wait for their comeuppance...and enjoy my life in the mean time.

  And now, more beer for my "mental health" day.

Namaste, Friends.

Pushing the Limits and Making a Fucking Difference!

Today was one of those days that affirms why I love my job so much.  I will not go in to detail since this is the internet, and, well, the internet does not need to know everything about me.  But I will say, I felt an immense amount of satisfaction in the hard work I put in to my project and the ability to make a difference in other’s lives.  The chance to see someone stand corrected who had otherwise been adverse to you and apologise profusely afterward and stand with you and your actions.  That, my friend, is a wonderful accomplishment and feeling to have.  My job is a wonderful thing.  I work with wonderful and amazing people.  And I outsource with other amazing and open-minded people.  I am glad I have the ability to make a difference in the world.  Even if only on a small scale.  At least I made a difference to those few things.

I know I am not an easy person to work with, much less supervise.  I tend to push the limits and expand my horizons.  My outlook on life is that if no one ever pushes the limits or looks past their nose, then how would the world evolve and change?  The world would stagnate.  I look towards progress.  I want to make the world in which I live and work, a better one.  Not just for me, but for my friends and coworkers, and anyone who comes after me. 

Sometimes this mind set can get a person in trouble.  It happens.  Change can be a scary thing for some people.  The mission is to persevere.  Eventually, through hard work and education, by showing the fruits of one’s labor, change and progress can come about.  This is my primary mission at work, aside from the general job duty descriptions I have.  I want to make a difference.  Or, as Ms. Diana Prince and I call it: TEAM MAFD!  (i.e. Make A Fucking Difference).  I hope to never become one of those people that goes to their job, does their job and goes home at the end of the day and ceases to think about the job until the next work day.  How mindless.  How droll.  If that is a person’s life, that is no life at all.  Life is too short to be mindless.  I go to work and think of all the possibilities.  I set goals for myself.  And once they are accomplished, I set new goals.  I strive to achieve more and be better than the next day.  I learn on my own.  The majority of my job I have learned to do by watching how others do their job and applying it to my own.  I ask questions of those around me and above me in the ladder of “superiors.”

This is me.  This is who I am.  And I do not apologise for it.  I am proud of the person I am and evolving to be.  I have worked hard and continue to work hard to be me.  And this, ultimately, makes me very happy in life.

Today has been a grand day.  I am utterly exhausted, but it was definitely worth it.  My refrigerator may be devoid of food and I am too tired to go out and do anything about it, but at least there was one last summer shandy in there for me to enjoy.  I make a terrible live-by-yourself kind of person when it comes to food, hahaha~