broken hearts of ideals

This past week i had an eye-opening experience into heart break. Not the mushy ooey gooey in love with a person heart break. I am referring to the shattering of ideals held dear.  Ideals that you hold your life to. Ideals you hold others that you have a higher than stranger respect for.

My heart broke a little. And it hurt. A lot. The bubble in which i fit my reality of the world i live in shifted and thinned in places.  It was already thin in some spots from various life experiences that have presented a variety of challenges. But, that's life. You encounter a challenge and have the choice to either quit and give in or step up and overcome. I tend to be in the latter category.

But this week? I was briefly brought to my knees. The temptation to give in loomed great and appealing.  I shed tears. I pondered. I had inner dialogue to dissect my recent experiences and weigh the pros and cons. I was hurt greatly. My world was altered. And it makes me sad.

For a time i was lost. i am thankful for the support group of friends i have established. They are my rock in times such as these. Granted, most had no idea of the inner battles i was waging, they were still there for me. And for that in itself, makes my world a great one.

So, even though my heart is broken over shattered ideals, i will persevere. I will get up. Dust my knees off and wipe away the blood. I have learned from these new experiences and taken measures to prevent future moral dilemma catastrophes such as these.

On Memorial Day i did the Murph Challenge.

 Wow! What an ass kicker that was! So utterly exhausting. And so utterly awesome. I am glad i did it. And finished in about 56:00!

I found this quote and thought it spoke to me of my dilemma and how to get through it. I now hold these words dear. I am trying to live by them. And you know what? I am happier as a result. Because there is truth in these words.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I must remind myself that not everyone sees the world in the same way or light that I do.  I must catch myself from becoming too immersed in things. Especially those that may lead to heart break. Unfortunately, i did not see this one coming. I put blinders on and thought "not me". Sometimes the lesson we learn is through the rougher path.

It is also a harsh reminder of the selfish ways of people. I may put up a hard ass exterior, but i try to see the good in people. When that is abused, I tend to take it personally. Then again, taking it personally only adds anguish and unnecessary stress. Therefore, i just remind myself that some people are twisted and ugly inside. They are small and insignificant. And in order to not face their own twisted nature, they try to bring down those who rise above. Not me. I am a good person. I know this. I live by this. And i am happy with this.

And, not to forget my love of tiny living and self sustaining shit, here is a badass idea that i want! http://www.iflscience.com/technology/harness-power-wind-and-sunlight-live-eco-friendly-egg-house