It has been a while. I suck at updating this when I do not have access to a computer regularly.
It is official. I am no longer homeless! Fuck yea! WOOOOOO! It only took roughly 1.5mo for me to find a place. I had friends move my trailer out of storage back to the park when I lived previously. But my slide out would not open. So I had the mobile RV repair man come out the next week and he fixed it. But then found that I blew up my water heater ($600 piece of equipment) and my faucets were busted ($150 ea). Resulting in a massive repair bill.
In my rush to move out last summer, I neglected to winterize the trailer. Which resulted in busted everything that handles water. *sigh* It was my own fault it happened. I blame no one but me. I was in Salt Lake City when I got the news. I told the repair guy to bypass the water heater and then stop. It was beyond my ability to pay to fix it. I will simply sell the trailer “as is” and hopefully get some money out of it. Blarg.
That was a major hit to my self esteem. I had been battling major (for me) self esteem/quality of life issues for a few weeks. I had hit an all time low. I had gained quite a bit of weight. I was not eating healthy, nor was I being very active. I was a blob. A growing unhappy blog who was homeless. And every time I tried to not be homeless, something was thrown in the bunch and ruined the idea. How the hell can a 33-yr old adult with a full time job not get her shit together? Seriously. What a failure by American standards, right? And every time I looked in the mirror, I just hated what I saw. I loathed what I saw. Life was spiraling out of control and I felt like a bystander unable to control it.
Then things changed. Coworker needed a roommate. We got along. I started to house/pet-sit at my favourite house in the Boise area. Way up in the mountains. Serene. Quiet. Away from humanity for the most part. I started to get my shit together. I pre-made my work meals. Healthy. Enjoyable. I amped up my workouts. I took control again. And my happiness blossomed. It is amazing how such seemingly small things like diet and exercise have such a major impact on a person’s life. The weight I gained is being shed. My muscles are improving and growing. My tolerance for shitty, fatty high carb meals is diminishing. And now, as of a few days ago, I am no longer homeless!! I have a place to call my own. And I am so happy for it.
Even after almost 2mo, I find it hard to believe all my belongings are in one place. I have my own room and bed. I marvel at it every time I look at my room and enter the townhome. I have a place. This is mine. I do not have to worry about packing up all my shit and carrying it with me to wherever I will sleep next. I am ever so thankful to those that housed me while I was in search of a home. Proof that there are wonderful caring people out there. I try hard to surround myself with supportive good people.
The drive to/from Boise from the mountain house gave me time to think and reflect. And listen to book on cd. I love that house. Where it is located. The people that live there. Spring finally hit while I was out there. The snow is melting so fast that the creek along the river nearly burst its banks. The water has flooded a few of the parks along its banks and reached past the bottom of a bridge. It is fascinating to witness the power of nature. Especially the power of water and how destructive yet life giving it can be. I’d stop and marvel at the swift current of the water as it swept by each time I drove that road.
My mother and sister have been working hard creating a memorial page for my father on the ALS Association’s website. While I have been sucking at life, they have been doing a great job at commemorating my father’s life. I feel like such a slacker. I edited the content of the main webpage and that’s about it. Their friends have already donated ~$2,500+ in my dad’s name to help find a cure and more R&D on ALS, while I have not even shared the page. I feel like I am doing a disservice to my father by not being as involved as I should be. Life could always be worse. I could be dead like he is. But I am not. And thus I need to work on spreading the word. Brainstorm ways to help raise money for ALS Society. By looking on the Community of Hope section of the ALS Association website, so far:
998
Funds Created
$2,139,218.75
Dollars Raised
Wouldn’t it be great to be another fund on there and increase those donated dollar amounts? It makes me happy and proud to see.
I was thinking in lieu of doing a birthday party, I could ask friends to donate money. And we go out and celebrate life rather than another year older.
I was also thinking of doing an annual fundraiser. Working as part of a First Responder type organization, I thought it would be fun to do a car wash. Advertise cleaning cars to raise money to find a cure of ALS (akin to the Ice Bucket Challenge rom a few years ago). I think people would come out if they knew First Responders were the ones washing the cars. But then self doubt creeps in. I get along with my coworkers. But why would they want to help me carry on my father’s name and help me raise money for an organization that may not mean much to them? I do not hang out regularly with but a handful of my coworkers. I am more a pain in the ass for many of them than a person they would take the time out of their day off to help. And then getting the backing of Admin to make this an event. Talk about being a pain in the ass for someone. That’s me. Official PITA for Admin.
Remember that whole “question authority” “independent hardheaded progressive”? Yeah that’s me. So, how to make this happen? How to convince a whole bunch of First Responder Type A personalities to help me with this cause? Especially since I have kept my personal issues quiet and have rarely mentioned my Dad or what transpired with him during his illness at work. I told Admin not to send a department wide email when Dad died. I did not want everyone to know. I did not want the sad pitying looks. The pats on the shoulder. The condolences. I wanted to be ignored and not talk about it. I did not want to lose my shit and cry, which is what happens when people do those things to me.
Boise does host a Walk to Defeat ALS. I could form a team and we could raise funds that way. But that does not do enough. I want to do more. I want to scream to the public. To society. About ALS and the importance of being educated on it. Of the impact the disease upon those afflicted with it and upon the families of loved ones diagnosed with it. I want to help. I want to spread the word.
Want to know what is amazing? The impact of the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge.
“The viral phenomenon, known as the Ice Bucket Challenge, has brought in more than $220 million around the globe for the fight against ALS.”
And
“Ice Bucket Challenge donations have also allowed our chapters to have a positive impact on families coping with this disease. Chapters have increased services to constituents residing in rural areas, eliminated wait lists for services, and funded respite care for caregivers.”
There is a cycle event up near Coeur d’Alene in June to help Defeat ALS: Silver Valley Ride to Defeat ALS. Maybe I could raise money in Dad’s name for the event as part of a carwash event or something? That way it gives people an event to look at and something to better grasp than simply giving money in memory of someone that died that they do not know…? There are three lengths: 27.2mi, 42.6mi and 63mi. I have a mountain bike and this area is not exactly flat. I guess it would certainly make me work for it. It also happens to be the week before my half marathon race at Glacier NP (http://glacierhalfmarathon.com/). ; So maybe do this event and then continue driving east to go backpacking a few days before the race?
Either way or however I plan it, I will do it. Athletics are more my thing. A way for me to remember and forget. To be in the zone. To better myself and in the process, help better others' quality of life. I want to help. I want to make a difference. I want to make Dad proud of me wherever he is. And continue to do so. So he can smile at me and point and tell others that I'm his daughter and those are my accomplishments. I wanna do it for Dad.
Someday, I'll do my Mongol Rally in his name. He was so excited when I told him I wanted to participate in the event. We'd talk for hours about the countries I'd cross through and various route options I could take. I see those travel books sitting on my bookshelf and am more determined than ever to travel and see the world and adventure. Dad loved telling others about my adventures. I'd like to continue that. In the mean time, I'm gonna exercise the shit outta myself and ponder how to fundraise for ALS and Dad.
