Parenting the Parent

Where do I start on this topic?

I was going to do a post on the political options for this election year.  Attempt to make it as neutral as possible by posting facts and stances of each candidate on various topics/issues, especially since I am truly terrified of the state of things in the U.S. as they currently stand.  I even printed off my passport renewal application in case November reveals something that I feel is truly bad for my future in this country.

But that has all been eclipsed by a topic that I have been mulling over for a couple of months now.  A topic that has greatly impacted me.  And one that continues to impact me and has revealed some issues with a system that should not have issues this glaringly big.

How do you prepare yourself to become the parent of your parent?  How do you sit down with your parent(s) and discuss the state of affairs as it pertains to them?  How to you adult your parents?  These are not things we as a society seem to openly discuss.  They are taboo subjects.  We are raised to respect our “elders”, including our parents.  But what happens when your parent(s) is no longer able to care for him or herself?  What if they are degenerating before your eyes?  What does all my schooling and life experience prepare me in how to handle this?  It does not.  At all.  I can read all the anecdotal experiences I want.  I can discuss with friends all I want.  But where out there are the how-tos on helping your parents?

It is even harder when you live 1,000+ miles from home.  So you only hear what is going on versus seeing it first hand.  Based on phone conversations, you have a feeling that things are going downhill.  When other family members, both within the primary family unit and extended family unit call you expressing their concern for the state of a parent’s mental health, how do you respond to that?

Through inquiries of all these people, you get your parent’s doctor’s info.  You speak to the nurse and express your concerns and request they test your parent for specific things to determine and/or eliminate possible issues.  And you hope that it works.  You hope progress is made.  Since you live many states away, that is about all you feel you can do.  And you continue to speak to your parent(s) on the phone and hear no change.  Nothing is improving.  Hospital visits ensue.  Frustration builds from the healthy party to the degenerating party.  And you sit by 1000s of miles away.  Feeling that shit is falling in a massive hand basket and you keep doing what you can, based on your knowledge from your job and your love of your family.  But it just not seem to be enough.  How does life prepare you for this?

You go visit your parents.  Things are reaching a head from the stories you hear.  Intervention is needed.  And then you see it.  You see how bad the degeneration has become.  You see your parent and all you want to do is cry.  What was once a sharp, witty, intelligent man towering at 6’4” with a deep baritone voice and clean shaven has now been reduced to something you can only liken to a WWII Concentration Camp survivor.  Bones.  And skin.  Taut skin pulled over protruding bones.  Voice whispery and weak.  Face covered in facial hair.  A man who had never once even grown a mustache is now a scraggly mountain skeletal man who cannot walk upright and to walk around the house was considered the adventure of the day.  How does life prepare you for this?  How do you react to such a scene?  The man you call Father has become this- a shell.

And try as you might, happy as you are to see your parents, how to address this with your parents?  How do you adult your parents?  Tell them how to make their life better?  There is nothing in my life experience that has prepared me for this.  Thoughts run through your head.  You realise that you must go in “Cop Mode” with your parents.  You must distance yourself to have this conversation in order to try to get your point across.

Have you ever had to ask your parent if they wanted to die?  If they were giving up on life?  I have.  Nothing in life ever prepared me for that conversation.  And you so very want to believe them when they say they are not giving up.  You point out to them the consequences of their continued actions --> death.  And somehow, your parent does not seem to understand it.  Do you believe your parent even though his actions speak otherwise?  Do you know what it is like discussing death with your parent who is quickly veering toward that path and result?

Do you know what it is like to watch one parent waste away and the other slowly being driven closer to a mental break and/or death as a result of the stress of caring for their spouse, working a self-owned business full time (doing the work of both parents) AND caring for a house and large dog?  Life has not prepared me for this.  As a result of my job and the responsibilities and experiences I have had with it, you are now delegated by the rest of the family to address the problem and come up with solutions to it…from multiple states away.   I am glad I know a pathway to help, but I cannot force someone not willing to improve his own situation to do it.

All this day, I have spend attempting to be a responsible working adult, while in the background knowing my father is dying.  I sit and cry.  I do not know what to do.  I am tired of being strong and distant.  I feel for my parents.  Both of them.  And the terrible situation they are both in.  I attempted to take the helm last week during my visit.  I saw a glimmer of the father I know in there.  But it was so fleeting.  Talking to one of his doctors over his head as if he was not there.  Seeing my father unable to lift up a mostly empty gallon jug of milk.  Unable to even remove the snap top.  Stopping to take a rest while walking the 100 or so steps into the doctor’s office.  Getting him to agree to an MRI and other tests to help determine what is wrong with him…only to refuse to comply after I left for home.

How does a child do this?  The last words my father told me in person as I was leaving to go home to my home state: “You must come back.  Make me your project.  I need help.”  How do you respond to that?  I now feel compelled to leave my life here.  The life I have made and love so much and cherish and move back to where my parents are.  To help my father.  To force him to be well again.  Is that the only way he will get better?  I give up my life for his?  Is that selfish of me to think?  Do we children make those sacrifices?  If I did that, would I then resent him?  Become bitter and unhelpful after a while?  Fuck.  I love living here.  I am so very torn.

To get regular messages from your well parent advising they are at the hospital for the multiple times in the month.  To explain how to use key phrases such as “mental hold” and “gravely disabled” to the E.R. staff, only to be shunted away and told to just improve his diet and exercise.  No shit!  Don’t you think we have been trying that?!!  To be told mental holds only work if the patient is homicidal or suicidal.  Well, look at him!  Does starving to death, over and under-dosing medications…because he cannot remember if he took them or not, not count as unable to provide for oneself?

Do you know what it is like to contact the police department in your home town asking for resources on doing an involuntary mental hold?  Have you ever called Social Services to file a vulnerable adult claim against your own parent?  I have.  Today.  To be asked questions about your parent’s inabilitiy to care for himself.  To explain everything your mother has done to help and address the problems.  That your mother is afraid to go care for her 100yr old mother a few states away because she thinks her husband may die and cause the dog to also die since the husband forgets to feed it when she is gone?  Do you know what it is like to break down to tears while on the phone with your father’s primary care physician’s nurse explaining all you have done to try to get help and every avenue is a dead end?  I have. Today.  To find out his primary care physician also filed a vulnerable adult claim the same day, independent of talking with me.

Oh life.  This is not the direction I thought you would take with regards to my parents.  I will shoulder this burden.  I will take and have taken much for my mother.  I do what I can to help.  But shame on you Emergency Services at the hospital where my dad was taken.  Shame on you for passing him and my mother off and not truly listening and looking at the situation.  I have much respect for the medical profession.  But yesterday, you failed us.  And shame on you.

I will continue to try to get the help my father needs, even if it drives me into massive debt.  That is what I can offer.  My knowledge and experience with these very situations in life.  I keep thinking back to a mental hold call I assisted on at work years ago.  A person who looked very similar to how my father does now.  But she did not have family to look after her.  To notice she had not moved from her chair in months.  To see all the soiled diapers strewn about the home.  To see the dead dogs laying about rotting in the home from neglect.  To see her pelvis bones protruding from her bottom from all the weight lost and pressure placed on them.  To see her skin rotting off from exposed bone mixed with human excrement.  This is what I think of when I picture my father in the future if my mom was not around.  I told my father this.  I told him if I encountered him at work I would have had him taken on a hold.  That is not an easy thing to say.  And to have your father innocently ask why?  He asked why!!  He did not and does not understand what he is doing to himself.  Oh Father.

If you are reading this Father:
I am sorry for this.  But not sorry enough to stop.  If you truly wish to die, come with me to Oregon.  We will figure it out.  But if you do not, then please, please please, let us get you help.  I love you.  We have not always seen eye to eye.  But I love you.  You are the only father I have.  And it hurts so very much to see you this way.  To see you waste away to what you are becoming and have become.  Please come back.  I love you.

I would rather deal with vicious dogs running at me. With ignorant and angry and abusive reporting parties. With suspects who lie to me and threaten me. With assisting on a search warrant or arrest warrant.  Interviewing witnesses and familiy to an injury situation. These are things I can do. These are things I would rather do. Than doing them involving my own family. Put me in danger. Put me at risk. Put me on the court stand to testify.I know what to do then. But this? This is under my purview of understanding what actions to take. But now, now it involves the why. And that is a question I cannot answer, yet burns a hole within me.

And now.  I am done crying for the day.  I cannot speak these feelings aloud.  I am not good at expressing my true emotions verbally.  This is my medium.  I cannot even tell this to my UMC.  Every time I get the courage to tell him, I am so happy being in his presence that I do not want to ruin it with feelings and depressing thoughts.  So this is also for you.  This is how I can tell you why my resting bitch face looks so angry lately.  Sorry.  And now.  I am done.  No more crying today.  Back to my compartmentalized self.

Wompus Trek

This weekend I participated in one of the hardest events I have ever partaken in.  In the past, I have done GORUCK events.  Which are definitely hella hard.  Pushing my body to its very limits, and then past them until it becomes a mental game.  The key to GORUCK is that the events have the option to drop at any time.  Hence the reason for carrying your I.D. and $20 cash.  You are also traversing within the known boundaries of civilisation, i.e. help (if needed).

On Friday, I participated in the 2nd Annual Wompus Trek.  The description of the event by the Event Organiser is as follows:

"We will be inserting in pairs into the Idaho backcountry at sundown on Friday, 15 July and extracting mid-day on 17 July (brief starts at 5 pm on 15 July in Boise followed by travel into the mountains). 

You and your partner will have a start point and a finish point.  There are no check-points or rules of travel--navigate as you wish.   If you can find a trail, feel free to use it, though the area being traversed has almost no usable trails.  You will be provided a Delorme sat-text unit for "safety", but you should know that the area is remote, and you will likely die before anyone gets to you.  We certainly take precautions to add to the safety and quality of this event, but at the end of the day, you engage in this activity at your own risk. 

Expect to be awake for 36-hours and travel over rugged mountains for 20+ hours, self-supported, before reaching a remote outpost of Vietnam-era Green Berets on Saturday evening.  They will give you a cot and feed you as many burgers and beers as you can consume before you fall asleep in your food.  (I think someone may have actually opened a second beer last year before succumbing to exhaustion.)  Sunday morning will feature a hearty camp breakfast and an additional opportunity to sample Idaho craft beers.  

There is no entry fee.  I’m not doing this for any profit.  We will tabulate and pool expenses (food, transportation, map printing, swag (hats) for us and volunteers, Delorme service)--expenses will come out to roughly $125 per person. 

It is my intent to only gather with people I like or respect—the invite list includes Special Forces guys, a few SEALs and a handful of Marines.  Please feel free to bring any partner you want, but I would ask that they have our skill sets, particularly in land navigation--this is a self-supported trek in every sense, and you will be in the wild."

I read this event on my Team RWB Facebook page and was instantly interested.  A new challenge.  Yes please!  Thankfully, I knew among my RWB friends, I could find an unwitting victim who would agree to be my partner.  And indeed I did find one.  And am so very thankful he agreed.

Laminated map of the lane we traversed in (black line is my estimate of our route).

We met with the Organiser and a local SF Veteran Group at the beginning of June to discuss event details and determine if we wanted to take the leap and agree to participate.  Note that the event description stated the event was primarily for active duty-veterans, especially those involved in SOF type activities.  Well, here you have me: a female, civilian, type 1 diabetic.  Yup.  It just may be a shit show.  But dammit, none of those things are going to prevent me from doing something that I want to do.

I would be lying if I said I was not nervous and a bit intimidated by the event and competition involved.  I also had little prep work put in to the event.  I was vehicle-less the month before that, which made traveling to hikable locations, quite difficult.  And the temps soared to the 90s-100s, which is just too miserable to spend a lot of time outside.  And, to top it off, I was in MN the weekend and a few days before the event.  The day of the event, I worked from 0700-1500h.  Yup, it would be a looooong day(s).

Everyone arrived at the Organiser's house where he fed us, we briefed, got our maps and found out where the event was going to take place.  Oh, yeah, that's right.  All of us signed up for a back country survival event not knowing where it would take place.  Awesome.

My goals for the event: finish, survive and, care of my Sgt and UMC, to beat any Force Recon guys.  Well, I accomplished most of those.

We drove out to Sagehen Reservoir area along FSR609, which was the southernmost boundary of our lane of travel.  There were 7 teams.  We were team #3.  They inserted us 0.25mi apart.  Team 1 was the northernmost group.  We were the southernmost group to go in on the West side of the lane.  They put us in at an ATV trail #398 at 2200h.  And so it begins.  We were to hike all night and most of the next day to make it to the finish point (11T 056857 493109) roughly 13mi-ish away as the crow flies.  But the area in between.  Ugh.  Fuck.  Talk about mountainous.  And brush-filled.  So much damn bear brush.  So much.

Riding in the back of the truck to the drop off point.  Thick ass forest.

We followed the ATV trail in the moonlight to save on our headlamp batteries.  We decided to head for Renwyck Creek since there was a trail that followed the north side of the creek.  To get there, we had to drop down a traverse of some distance.  Not sure how far down we had to go.  Our headlamps only went so far.  So we dropped down...into nothingness other than a fuck ton of overgrowth and fallen trees.  And it was steep.  We basically slid down on our asses when we were not caught up on the overgrowth.  We crossed the stream many times.  Usually via fallen trees.  And let me tell you, I was never good on a balance beam.  Well, I am much worse at night via LED headlamp over raging water (luckily not deep or overly wide) and avoiding getting caught up on branches and sliding bark.  Fuck me silly.

After a while I was starting to not feel too keen.  At all.  Nauseated.  I knew exhaustion would occur and felt that it was too early for me to feel that bad.  I tested my blood sugar.  It was between 400-500 mgdL.  Shyte!  I took correct dosing using my sliding scale and moved on.  

We checked in with our DeLorme units every 2h.  It was slow going.  Very slow.  And lots of work.  Oh boy work.  The trail would disappear and reappear.  There were so many game trails, too.  We would get off track by them.  Then decide if we wanted to back track or just bushwhack to get back on the trail we wanted.  Usually bushwhacking won out.

I tested my blood sugar again after still feeling very ill.  My mind was checking out a bit.  It was once again between 400-500 mgdL.  WTF!!  This was not good.  I had a feeling I was in the beginning stages of ketoacidosis.  I had been at an elevated blood sugar level for at least 4h+ by now.  I made the decision that we should aim for the early cut-off point (11T 05681 49203) rather than go all the way to the finish point.  I was worried that I was in a bad place physically.  This was around 0200h.  We still had a looooong way to go to get out and me the help I needed.

So we trekked on.  Following the creeks.  Crossing them back and forth.  At one point, there were few rocks to use to cross the stream.  My partner took leaps and bounds.  Me, in my ragged state, decided to take off my shoes and socks and wade through.  I was doing well.  Until I took a mis-step and faltered...and my shoes fell off my shoulder and into the water.  A loud "Shit!" was called out and my partner immediately grabbed and saved them from being carried downstream...or getting soaked.  The irony was not lost on us.  And thankfully, my shoes were not soaked.

Dawn finally came.  We were still schlepping away.  I felt my energy levels draining.  I felt I must be near delirium, I was so tired. I told my partner that I had to have a break to lay down.  We crossed a stream.  Hiked up a goddamned hill, bushwhacked a bit.  Cleared a spot near a fallen tree and set our shit down.  I tested my blood sugar.  50 mgdL.  Fuck me.  No wonder I was so tired.  My partner wrapped himself in his jacket and immediately started to snore.  I did the same and drifted off to sleep.  Albeit, I did not want to do a deep sleep since I was afraid hypothermia would set in.  The sun had not yet fully risen and it was cold and a wind was starting to blow.

View looking toward creek from where we rested and froze.

There we are, hypothermic and resting.

After I while, I was shivering so uncontrollably that I had to get up.  I woke my partner up.  We were most likely borderline hypothermic.  All of our clothes were wet with sweat.  And being still for so long in the cold and dark made it that much worse.  We stiffly got up and were on our way.  I ate 2 granola-pomegranate bars and had much better energy.  The part of my body that was the most sore were my toes from being stuffed into the front of my shoes for hours while descending steep slopes.  And my Achilles area, from being constantly stretched by the ascent and descents all the time.  Do not get me wrong, my body was tired.  But nothing screamed at me to stop.

We kept going up.  Bushwacking.  It was hard going.  We needed to get to the sun to warm up.  I was slow moving, but I kept moving.  Eventually we got above the poplars, fallen trees and general bear brush and into sage.  It was wonderful.  My spirits lifted immediately.  We were above the tree line (~7000' ele) and could see for miles to the west.  We could see the entire valleys and "hills" that we spent all night hiking.  All the way to Sagehen Reservoir.  But we still had so much more to climb.  And climb we did.  Up and up and up.  But it did not matter as much now.  The tallest plants were waist height and not densely packed together.  Wonder-fucking-ful.  The trail we were aiming for was on the ridgeline above.  This meant that we now had to hike up all the steep ass peaks to our NE.  There was no other option.  To go past them were sheer granite cliffs down to Blue Lake.  The other option was to sidehill it and that would have further destroyed our ankles.

Our first view out of the brush, looking west.

No more bushwhacking.  Thank you sage!

So peak climbing it was.  The views were astounding.  I felt so full of pride for what we had accomplished.  Even though we were going to early extraction, we still worked hella hard.  I kept using the DeLorme to check in and communicated with the crew at early extraction letting them know our progress.  I tested my blood sugar again at another rest spot and was 163 mgdL.  Woohoo!  Good stuff.  We went to the edge of the granite cliffs to overlook the back side of Blue Lake.  Breathtaking.  We also ran into snow.  But were too tired to play in it.

See those valleys behind me to the flatish area.  Yeah we hiked that shit.

Tall ass peaks ahead we had to climb.

View from behind Blue Lake looking west.

Then, we made it to Granite Peak.  The fucking tallest and steep and long peak in the range.  But at the end of it was Snowbank Mountain Road and our finish.  We made it!  It only took us till 1200h, so almost exactly 14h to hike ~14.5mi.  To put things in perspective, it took us 10h to reach the exit point from when we decided we needed to get out of there early.  That is how remote we were.  There was no way to get me help or get out of there without calling SAR and that was not an option I considered.  I was still mobile the entire time.  I felt like utter and complete shit for many hours.  But stopping was not an option.  We had to keep going.  So we did.

Blue Lake.

Snow at Granite Peak.

That truck ride to the Early Extraction point was glorious.  We rode in the bed of the truck.  Watched the scenery, which was epic.  Mountain flowers were in full bloom.  The sun was out and the temps in the 70s.  Such a beautiful day.  So glad to be alive and experience something like this.  Do not get me wrong, there were many hours during our trek, especially at night that I questioned why I signed up for the event.  And wished against hope that I was not there.  Not hiking.  Not feeling shitty and that life really super dooper sucked.  A lot.  But thinking it was one thing.  Quitting was another.  And I never once wanted to quit.  I also cursed at the plant life.  A lot.  I used every bad word I could think of when thinking of plants.  It seemed their exist was purely there to make our life more difficult.  I hated flora.  So very much.  Goddamned fucking flora smacking me in the face.  Getting caught on my pants and clothes.  Wrapping itself on my pack trying to push me off balance.  After a while I stopped trying to be dainty with the fuckers and simply crashed through them.  It took so much energy to fight through that brush.  And it was seemingly endless.  Fuck you bear brush and poplars and all you evil shit.

Done!  Truck ride to extraction camp.

At extraction camp we laid on the ground and slept.  I moved around a bit more.  Slept some more.  Moved and slept.  We did that for hours.  We found out when we got out that no teams had yet finished.  And that we were actually ahead of many of the teams.  Even though we traversed the lane from the west side all the way to the east side and up north halfway, we were making great progress.  Wow!  We then realised that it may have been just as easy for us to go all the way to the finish.  It would have taken us more hours to do it, but the route we chose to get out of there was not easy and harder than taking that damn left turn option off the Renwyck Creek Trail.  Ah well.  Foresight.  Sometimes it fails us.

The teams being tracked when they check in.  We were yellow.

In all, 2 teams did early extraction.  Us and Team 4.  Everyone else made it to the finish.  The winning team was a male-female team who made it in 13.5h.  Holy fuck!  They were gone by the time we arrived at base camp.  They had to catch a flight back to CA.  Talk about impressive!  Base camp was set up by a Treasure Valley based veteran SF group.  And what an amazing group of gentlemen they are.  They set up a real camp toilet.  Tents with Army cots inside for all of us.  Had a kitchen and an eating area.  And fed us food and beer.  Perfect.  I was too tired to do much.  We all chatted.  Ate dinner.  Hung out.  Then slept.  I slept like the dead.  Glorious.

Just some of the gear bags of the participants.

In all, I am so happy to have participated in this event.  Even though I hated it to my core while I was out doing it and did not make it to the finish point, I am proud of my accomplishment.  This civilian type 1 diabetic female did something many non-diabetics would not choose to do.  And goddamned if I am not a bit happy for myself for doing it.  I cannot wait till next year!  

Old update

Post written mid-June (just never got a chance to post it.  Sorry for the delay in info):

I wrote up an update, but for whatever reason when I transferred it to my phone to post, I lost the file.  Oh the joys of no internet at home.  You gotta get create in working on your desktop and transferring things to stick drives, phones, etc to try to get them on the internet later.  Wooty woo!

I made the decision to move from my tiny home.  My trip to the hospital sealed the deal for me.  The post-clean up sucked.  I had to throw away so many towels and my favourite pair of shorts.  Why?  Because I did not have a sink big enough to pre-rinse nor did I have a washing machine to wash it all.  I was so ill, I could not close my windows to turn on my A/C.  Most homes these days this would not be as much an issue.

I posted the trailer for sale.  Available staring07/01/16.  I will be moving in with one of my friends.  Our goal is to save money (my current rent does not save me money, but my Park Manager is a truly awesome lady).  For me, to pay down my massive medical bills I have recently accrued and my equally more massive credit debt.  For her, to save money on a down payment on a house.  The craigslist ad is here:http://boise.craigslist.org/rvs/5638445873.html

I have now been without a vehicle for a week.  I find it rather annoying in the sense that I have not gone on a proper adventure (according to my standards) for almost the entire month of June, ever since my Jeep broke.  I am itching to get into the mountains and go play and have fun.  I walk and ride my bike everywhere now.  But that also limits how far I go and what I do.  Biking causes me to sweat a lot and it is summer, so trying to stay fairly presentable after riding can be a challenge.  And since I rarely shower at home, it is pointless to go to work to do so, simply since I will sweat and stink to get to/from work.  Argh.  I am so very thankful for my friends that have given me rides.  Sometimes I do not like being that “needy” friend.  My fierce independence rebels, but my pride needs minimizing every now and then.  So this is good for me.

I realized I never updated on the rest of my adventures and trip to Moab last month.  I only covered my kayak trip.  Whoopsy!  I was in the Moab area for 10-days.  I left on Sat 20 May immediately after work.  My stress levels were hella high leading up to my trip simply because once my work week starts, there is not a whole lot else I can do to prepare.  And, of course, driving the 600mi from the Treasure Valley to Moab, UT in my Jeep (manual tranny, 4.10 gears, 35” tires on shitty engine = massive and slow shit show on interstate/long distance driving), also stressed me out.

I was having A LOT of problems with my health insurance in the weeks leading up to my trip.  They denied almost every single one of my medications, including my insulins.  And you know how I found out they were denied?  My pharmacy.  When I went to refill them, the pharmacy advised they were no longer covered.  Yep.  ZERO communication from my health insurance regarding my medications, which, you know, keep me alive.  Not like that matters or anything.  I started a dialogue with our middleman who talks to our insurance and with my union representative.  I then got in contact with our insurance representative who attempted to explain the process to me.  Yeah…not impressed.  My diabetes was in control.  I knew my body in and out.  I did not need to go to different meds if the ones I was on (for almost 20 years) were working just fine.  I soon learned how much health insurance really does not care about the people it serves.  It became very apparent that they were there to save money and money speaks, especially from pharmaceutical companies that they have deals with.  Unfortunately for me, my insulin manufacturers were not on that list of companies my health insurance makes deals with.  FML.   So.  Trying to sort out all that stuff.  You know, they staying alive part.  Was truly stressful mere days before my departure for Moab.  I did manage to send out an email to my health insurance filing a grievance claim.  I also contacted a Pediatric Endocrinologist in Seattle that specializes in diabetic athletes, woooo!

Current info post now/today:

Let’s just say that even though I may not pay a monthly due for my insurance to be a member of it, I actually pay more for insurance now than I did when I paid a monthly fee.  The cost of my prescriptions has skyrocketed astronomically.  I wish before work agreed to this insurance carrier we would have looked more closely at the costs of prescriptions and how rigid the company would be to force its members off their regular prescriptions and onto a “cheaper” version.  I am having a very hard time affording my prescriptions.  I find it very frustrating.  I would like nothing more than to have a continuous blood glucose monitoring kit, which would help me immensely with my active lifestyle.  Or to try out an insulin pump (Omni Pod looks promising), but no.  Shit is waaaay too expensive.

I will get back to the Moab trip on a later blog post.  I am a wee bit more flighty on this post than I would like and have not actually covered the topics I want to discuss, but I also dislike super long wordy posts.  So my post on dating and caring for our aging parents will have to wait.

I never did hear back from the Endocrinologist in Seattle.  Alas.  I was hoping he would be a good resource for me.  Boooo!  I have so many questions!  I especially wanted them answered before my backcountry survival race this weekend.  Oh well.  Guess I’ll trouble shoot as I go along.  Fingers crossed it all works out well.

Here are the details of the 2nd Annual Wompus Trek: (link to the event from 2015) and emails from the event organizer.  *I especially love his description of my team (a friend from RWB and I- the only civilian, female and diabetic; gotta love it, hahaha!).*

Email 1:
" Good Afternoon!

Three weeks from now, the 2017 Wompus Trek will be an awesome story of your past weekend's exploits and possibly a physically painful memory of much exertion.

I've been pulling together logistics and making final scouting trips for the key areas of the race lane.  The race lane is a beautiful alpine green with some snow patches seen on the highest traverse.

There will be 8 teams in total, with Recon, SF, and SEAL representation and veterans from the local Red, White, and Blue organization as well as a team of highly accomplished racers from outside the veteran community well-poised to crush the race and check egos."

Email 2:

" Wompus Trekkers,

I convinced a former smoke jumper/paramedic to do a full run of the trek lane with me this past Wed/Thurs, and I'll make a few last-minute packing recommendations based on current conditions:

-tactical or light leather work gloves

-clear lens safety glasses

-a light/mid- weight down or similar jacket

The lane, especially the part that will be traversed in the dark is extremely lush right now.  And while in many places in Idaho, you can get on a ridge line and out of the dense brush, this area has a LOT of bear brush, even on the ridges.  There may be some soul searching moments in the brush, in the dark, uphill...  And it is dense enough in places that it may change the route you otherwise would have picked based on terrain.  That said, the bear brush is contentious but won't rip you to shreds--I wore my convertible lightweight pants--no rips.  Much of the latter part of the lane is more open forrest (with a high meadow or two) and a bit easier travel.  As always, I will recommend considering trekking poles--they don't win cool points, but many of the pitches are steep with granite and downfall--downhill when exhausted even in the daytime will challenge ankles here.

We have been having unseasonably cool weather--a light or mid-weight puffy jacket is not a bad thing to bring and possibly make a decision on when you get here as to whether or not it actually goes on the lane with you.  You will likely never wear it while moving and it is added weight, but is a definite nice to have while pumping water in some dark, cold, draw in the wee hours of the morning.  Realistically, you will only filter water once in the dark or possibly not at all if you are very efficient. 

Water--there are a lot of unmarked streams in the lane and all the major marked streams are still flowing well.  I am a water hog and 4 litters of capacity was plenty for me. 

Schedule:

Friday, 15 July

1700 - meet

1700 - 1800 - Safety, lane, comm brief

1830 - load transportation for the mountains

1830 - 2100 - travel

2130 - 2230 - teams insert

Saturday, 16 July

2030 - cutoff for all teams to finish (God help you if you go a second night on the lane)

Sunday, 17 July 

1000 - load transportation for Boise

1200 - arrive in Boise

Attached are a few photos from the lane.

See you all, soon!"

I am still gathering all the things I need for the event.   Since I moved, my outdoor gear is a little more disorganized than I would like.  I eventually got my Jeep back after not having it for a month.  I was vehicleless for about 2.5 weeks.  It was VERY frustrating.  I walked and biked everywhere.  Which was nice, but also an issue while living in a trailer with a shower not useable when the ground water is cold and attempting to look nice (say, for a date), was a moot point since I would sweat on my trek to wherever I was going.

I am very thankful to the friends that picked me up or let me borrow their vehicles.  One day, I biked 10mi to a friend's place to borrow her truck to drive to Fruitland for a tattoo session.  I then biked back the 10mi.  Good day overall.

My Jeep ended up costing ~$1,500 to fix.  Apparently there is a design flaw in JK Jeep models in which the driveline attaches to the front axle at an angle that is conducive to getting debris inside the shaft.  As a result, things like dirt, water, road debris, etc get inside the shaft and end up wearing away at the moving parts.  My driveline froze solid at the ring/pinion area and could not be removed.  I had to replace the driveline, front gears, ring and pinion, gaskets/seals and have a master install kit done on it.  In addition, I got a new rear diff cover that is armor so that it has better protection when I drag or smack it on a rock...or few.  Such a painful bill.  Which of course, I could not afford.  I have been living on credit cards.  And I hate it.  But what are you gonna do? *shrug*

.

Common Sense & Keyboard Warriors

I do miss the times when news was researched before it was shared.  And mass social media did not exist for people to troll and pass on judgments before researching the topic and knowing all the facts.  This is not to say that there are no good qualities about how fast news is spread and the ability of humanity to connect with one another regardless of boundaries, distances and differences, etc.

I do tire of judgment being passed by the masses before the situation has fully presented itself.  Let's use a current event as an example.

An article came up on my FB feed today that stated: 

Video: La. officer fatally shoots suspect outside convenience store

Now, I do keep in mind the source of the article- a law enforcement-based news source.  So there may be some inherent bias toward LEOs in this article.  As a person who exercises some form of common sense (but not all the time), I keep my mind open to the entire scenario that occurred to cause this event.  The article was posted at 0024h this morning, which means it is news breaking and recent.  The same news source later today, at 0945h:  DOJ to investigate fatal Baton Rouge OISMy curiosity at the subject has now increased.  Some questions have been brought up.  And I want to note that I have no preference one way or the other regarding this situation.  Those that were in error, I want it noted and acted upon.  Those that are innocent.  I also want that noted and acted (or not) upon.

See what I did there?  I have not passed judgment of the situation.  Why?  Because I do not know all or enough facts, to pass an educated to decision on the matter.  Now, let us look at a variety of other articles on the same situation.  When I type in "Police shooting Baton Rouge" into google, I got the following results:

Alton Sterling shooting: Video of deadly encounter with officers sparks outrage (CNN article, updated at 1235h today): An article with consistent updates as more is known regarding the situation.  Both sides, LE-state and family members-attorney, are interviewed and quoted.  A fairly comprehensive article...in the beginning.  But tends to side more with the family-attorney near the end.

Department of Justice to lead probe of Baton Rouge police shooting(USA Today article, updated at 1254h today): Also a fairly brief but facts-laid-out type of article.  I did not really notice is being as biased as the CNN article.  It had quotes from both sides.  But mostly had quotes from third parties and in the spirit of working together and not being violent/passing judgment too soon types.  Some quotes that were in this article and not the CNN one to support my statement include:

"Gary Chambers, publisher of The Rouge Collection, which serves the predominantly black community of north Baton Rouge, called for a community meeting Wednesday evening of blacks, whites, other ethnics groups and faith-based leaders to "come together as a city and say that this is not going to stand in this community."

"This is not a place of division," Chambers said. "This is not a community place where we are trying to pit all of our community against all police. We understand that not all police are bad, but this must be answered for.""

'He’s got a gun! Gun': Video shows fatal confrontation between Alton Sterling, Baton Rouge police officer
(The Advocate article, last updated at 1128h today): This article does not hide its bias at all from the get go.  It clearly takes the side of the family.  The opening paragraphs support this conclusion:
"Alton Sterling, a 37-year old man who sold CDs, was shot and killed by a Baton Rouge police officer Tuesday morning outside a convenience store on North Foster Drive after “some type of altercation” with two officers, officials said.

Baton Rouge police did not provide much information about what escalated the incident between the officers and Sterling or what prompted an officer to fire his weapon. A witness, however, described police as “aggressive” and said Sterling was armed but was not holding his gun or touching his pockets during the incident. Police later retrieved a gun from the man’s pocket, said the witness, shop owner Abdullah Muflahi."

And then you read the quotes from NAACP representatives, whom I want to associate akin to Trolls on the internet, but they do it in real time/life (quotes from USA Today article): 

"Michael McClanahan, president of the Baton Rouge NAACP, call on the mayor to fire the chief of police and then resign himself. He also called for the probe into the killing to be handed over the the Louisiana State Police.

"The best way to insure that this is no cover up is to turn it over to a neutral third party," McClanahan said.

He said the community's goal was to "root out the 1% of the bad police who believe they are the judge, jury and executioner of innocent people, period, but most of all black lives."

McClanahan called on the Baton Rouge police to arrest the two officers. "If the system works for anyone, it should work for them, too," he said."

This article did have additional information the CNN and USA Today articles did not have, which was informative and/or interesting.  It went into much more detail about Sterling's criminal history.  Which is interesting since the article seemed to be almost anti-LE at the start.

Now, reminding myself that I do have some inherent bias regarding the matter simply due to my profession and the experiences I have had related to my profession, and the knowledge I have gained from it, too.  I also want to make sure that investigations like this are done by an impartial third party (in this case, the US Attorney's office/DOJ) and all parties involved (LE , witnesses, family) are impartially interviewed and all possible known evidence is collected and reviewed impartially.

Alton Sterling Police Shooting Prompts Justice Dept. Investigation in Baton Rouge
(NY Times article posted today 07/06/16): This article presents information in an easy to follow pattern.  I did get the impression based on word choice, quote selections and syntax structure, that overall, the article was a little biased in favor of the family.

Outrage after video captures white Baton Rouge police officer fatally shooting a black man

(Washington Post article, updated at 1322h EST today):  This article does not hide its bias one bit against the LE community.  The first few paragraphs are enough to make even a relatively unbiased person question the morals and safety associated with the police in America:

"Sterling is one of at least 505 people who have been shot and killed by on-duty police officers so far in 2016, according to a Washington Post database tracking such shootings.

And his killing is the latest in a nationwide string of fatal police-involved arrests captured on video. Like many others, the first versions of what happened are coming more from a video showing a fragment of the incident than from police, who have had relatively little to say so far. Thus no clear picture has yet emerged of the full sequence of events that led to the death.

“I have very serious concerns,” Edwards (D) said. “The video is disturbing, to say the least.”"

Information presented, especially by such a well known and respected news source may be enough to change the minds of those on the fence about the "villany" of the police.  I will not disagree about the disturbing nature of the video.  Most news sources quoted the LA Governor in saying that.  It is a statement most people could agree with, myself included.  Most sane functional people do not find joy in seeing the suffering of others, especially the death of a fellow human being.

I did find this information from The Advocate article to be interesting (as stated above):

"Sterling was convicted of one count of carnal knowledge of a juvenile in Sept. 2000, according to the warrant.

While Sterling had registered at the address in July, a probation officer who checked on him in August was told by the center manager that Sterling hadn’t lived there for two weeks.

The DA’s office filed a failure to register as a sex offender charge against Sterling in April.

Sterling’s court record shows he was accused of several crimes dating back to 1996. He’d pleaded guilty to aggravated battery, simple criminal damage to property and unauthorized entry, as well as domestic abuse battery. His longest sentence appeared to come in 2009, when he was sentenced to five years on possessing marijuana with the intent to distribute and illegally carrying a weapon with a controlled dangerous substance."

Was the point of adding this information to make Sterling appear more human to the general human population?  What it tells me, based on my experience and knowledge in life, is that 1.) Sterling should not be in possession of a firearm if he was convicted of a violent crime (e.g. domestic abuse) *Note, there is conflicting info whether he had a firearm on his person or not at the time of the incident*; 2.) If he was living in a halfway house, how was he able to house and provide for his family? (There may be an answer to this, but that information has not been provided).  Let us note, that even if someone has a criminal history, that does not mean they have not taken the time and effort to turn their life around and correct the error of their ways of their history.  I do not and did not know Sterling.  So I cannot say what kind of man he was immediately prior to his death.

I also do now know the two officers involved in the incident.  I do not know their thought processes and experiences.  So I cannot say whether they fit into my formed opinion of a moral/good person or amoral/bad person.  Or if either one fits into the human American societal collection of positive/good mores or not.

What we do know (and has been supported by every news source I researched via Google):

• 37-year-old Alton Sterling is deceased.
• Baton Rouge police were called to the convenience store (C-store): Triple S Food Mart.
• Two officers responded (Blane Salamoni, a four-year veteran, and Howie Lake, a three-year veteran) to an anonymous complaint regarding a man pointing a gun and threatening someone at the C-store.
• Officers arrived on scene at 0035h EST.
• A taser and at least one gun (from an officer) were used on Sterling.
• The altercation caught on the camera phone occurred outside in front of the C-store.
• Sterling's cause of death, as reported by the ME in Baton Rouge (East Baton Rouge Parish Coroner William “Beau” Clark) was multiple gunshots to his body.

Basically everything else is up in the air.  Murder?  Justified shooting?  Racially motivated?  I do not have these answers.  And neither do you.  Who was the anonymous caller?  What was their motivation for calling?  What happened between the anonymous caller and Sterling (if anything)?  What previous encounters did Sterling have with the BRPD (if any)?  What experiences did either of those officers have with that C-store and/or Sterling himself (if any)?  What experience did either of those officers have with being threatened by a firearm from a suspect/public citizen (if any)?  Therefore, I am not going to pass judgment on the situation at this time.

I realise that people will either disagree with what I say.  Or agree.  Or simply read it.  Collect the information and move on and process it some more and do their own research.  I certainly hope this latter option is what most of you out there take.  Read things.  Process them.  Research them.  Verify sources.  If that is not an option, such as this situation where the information being provided can be either very biased or limited in nature, research the system involved in sharing and investigating the information.  As questions.  Be an active participant in gleaning knowledge from the world around you.  But, for the love of whatever you find holy, do not be a keyboard warrior.  You are not helping any cause, especially not your own.  If you share an article that goes along with your way of thinking, to support you way of thinking, go beyond your comfort level...go read and share an article that is not in line with your way of thinking.  Present as many facts as you can to share with the masses.  Do not be a narrow minded person and pass on the closed-mindedness that seems to be increasingly prevalent in today's social-media-based society.

Edit @2128h on 07/06/16:
Seeing as new video/information has come forward regarding this particular incident, I felt it necessary to add a link to it to add to the knowledge of the event.  Here is the link from PoliceOne:

Video: New footage shows fatal Baton Rouge OIS from different angle

Here is the originally posting news source's link to the new video posted online (from The Daily Beast posted @1710h EST):

New Video Emerges of Alton Sterling Being Killed by Baton Rouge Police

I will attempt to add more articles and update this post as new and more information emerges so that people can try to reach their own conclusions about the situation.