Thanksgiving Adventuring!

This past week was Thanksgiving week.

My work schedule recently changed so that I now work the front end of the week.  This also meant that I did not work on Thanksgiving.  For most of you, this would probably be a good thing.  For me, this was a thing to be dreaded.  I do not like having holidays off.  I would much rather work and have my coworkers who cherish holidays have that time off.

I was fretting as to what to do.  I knew that I wanted to go camping to get away from society for a while.  Camping is a time when I find solace in the world.  Holidays have the opposite effect on me.  Had I stayed home, I would have been by myself with little to do.  Instead of this, I opted to spend my time better.  To be outside and cherish the world around me.

I knew I did not want to head into the mountains to the north.  I was going to be by myself in my Jeep plus a hyper wonderful female German shorthair pointer.  I did not want to risk getting caught in snowy winter conditions in the mountains.  So that narrowed it to the south.  To the Owyhees!  The problem with the Owyhees is that they are remote and little visited.  Which, generally, for me, is a fantastic plan.  And still held appeal for me.  But when precipitation occurs in the Owyhees, you do not want to be driving on it.  Slippery as snot comes to mind with that clay mud stuff.

I decided to set up base camp at Bruneau Sand Dunes State Park near Bruneau, ID.  And then I would go explore Big Jacks Creek Wilderness.  And if I had time, Little Jacks, too.  I packed the Jeep the night before.  Roommate took her older Pointer to a friend's house.  After work on Wednesday, I picked up May dog and we set off on our adventure.

I monitored the piss out of the weather and saw that rain occurred on Wednesday morning, but was not forecast for the next few days.  Yay!  High in mid 50s and low of 29F.  I got this shit!  We arrived.  Had the camp ground to ourselves.  I decided to set up the tent in the shelter meant for the picnic table.  I then blocked another side of the tent with the table and backed my Jeep up to the fourth side and voila!  My tent was basically protected on all three sides.  Bruneau is notorious for having strong winds...hence the stand alone sand dunes (420' tall, biggest ones in North America!).  I put the lights on May and we went off hiking in the dark.  We watched the sun set.  We climbed a dune in the dark.  We looked at an awe-inspiring starry sky.  And we had the world to ourselves...minus the creatures that live there, and a travel trailer of people camped at a separate camp ground.

 

I layered up the floor of the tent with camping air mattresses side by side.  Then piled on a bunch of folded blankets and woobies.  Then my Elk Hunter -35F sleeping bag.  And I set my ruck and back pack along the edges of the tent and my feather down sleeping bag around the head of my sleeping bag.  I put May inside my bag and I stuffed myself in there, too.  It was cramped.  And hot.  Oh so hot.  I had to take off some of my layers.  The coyotes sounded out in full force.  So did the owls.  And May was restless.  I got very little sleep and was uncomfortable most of the night trying to share space with a shorthaired dog that I was not sure if was too hot or too cold, hahaha!  And no way was I letting her outside with coyotes and 20sF.

We awoke.  Watched the sun rise.  Saw hunters shoot and get a few geese flying over head.  We made Mountain House breakfast and French press coffee.  Then we were off adventuring!  I brought along my handy The Owyhee Canyonlands book by Steve Stuebner as a reference point and some printouts from websites that seemed informative:

• Stueby's Outdoor Journal
• Recreation.Gov
• Sangres.com 

  I knew that I wanted to hike Parker Trail and Zeno Canyon.  Both of which are in Big Jacks Creek.  The directions were not super clear on how to get to Zeno.  Luckily, there were BLM placards placed at "major" intersections.  So I stopped to look at the map of the wilderness and took a photo of it.  I decided that Parker Trail was easier to get to and that I would start there.

 

 

Easy drive.  Well.  If you have clearance on your vehicle.  Beautiful scenery.  And we were off on our hiking adventure!  The trail was clearly marked.  You start out on the top and walk toward a canyon where you eventually start going into the canyon, which is Big Jacks.  You get to a barb wire fence with a wooden ladder thing built over it.  I had to pick up May and place her on the big rocks next to the ladder so she could get over/through.  And then, BAM!  You see the canyon you're hiking into.  And fuck all.  It is goddamned gorgeous.  I take pics.  We hike all the way to the bottom of the canyon where there is a creek.  May splashes in and drinks.  I marvel at the world around me.  And strip off some of the layers I am wearing.  The clouds move through and the sun begins to shine when I make it to the bottom.  Happiness.

 

 

We are utterly alone.  No one around for miles and miles.  Believe me, I know.  I'd have seen the wheel tracks on the way in on Wickahoney Rd.  We hike out.  I stop at the Register and sign in.  No one had signed in since 11/17/16.  It was currently 11/14/16.  I wished the page a Happy Thanksgiving...in my party of one. :-)

 

 

 

 

I popped open my beer that I brought along.  A mango ale.  Fuck yes it is good.  Sockeye got that one right.  Then we were back in the Jeep and time to find Zeno Canyon.  Well.  Let me tell you.  Zeno Canyon is waaaaaaaaaay in there.  And the directions for that trail head are even harder to understand.  I ended up using the photo I took of the BLM placard map to figure out where I was.  I kept driving and driving.  The farther I drove, the more remote I was getting.  I could see patches of thin snow on the ground.  It was becoming more common place.  I finally made it to the turn off for the road that would lead me to Zeno Canyon.  Snow was everywhere in a thin layer.  But remember what I said earlier?  Precipitation in the Owyhees means slippery dangerous quagmire shit.  I turned on to a desolate, rarely used two track road (Wickahoney Rd is a nice gravel road).  The two track was covered in snow.  I braked and slid all over.  Damn.  Common sense told me it was time to turn around.  So I did.  No sense risking an emergency situation and or injury for this adventure.

 

So we turned around.  And drove back to Bruneau/base camp.  And oh boy, the wind had picked up.  I recalled the forecast said it would be 20-30mph winds that day.  They were not kidding.  We hiked the dunes.  May decided she wanted to go for a swim.  I was not pleased.  This meant the vest and her are now all wet.  Which in turn, means going in the tent is a no go.  So we hiked a lot more to try to dry her out.  We walked the dune ridge line.  It was amazing.  The sun was quickly setting.  I was undecided what to do next.  The direction of the wind meant that my shelter would not block it.  And wind AND cold are a bad combo.

I start to set up dinner.  I open the tent and in pops May.  In her wet vest.  On the sleeping bag.  Yup.  That just happened.  It was an omen.  I was tired.  And not looking forward to a windy cold night.  I decided to pack up camp and head home.  I could eat my beef jerky and gummy worms for Thanksgiving dinner.

 

 

On my way home, a friend texted to invite me for dinner.  So May and I headed to Eagle, ID and enjoyed the company of friends and food.  May had a blast playing fetch with the kids and behaved herself very well.  I was thankful to have such a good group of people that I know and call friends.

So, even though my goal was to avoid people and celebrating holidays, I really did get the best of both worlds.  I got my outside solace and my people and food-filled enjoyment, too. :-)

This weekend has been a very good one.  I am very happy.  I teared up a bit on my drive back to base camp when I thought of Dad.  I try not to think about him too much.  Well.  I do and I don't.  I went into Barnes and Nobles today to pick up some gifts and use a coupon I got.  I nearly lost my shit in there.  I was at a loss.  This is the first time in my life that I will not be getting Dad a gift from BN.  Everything I looked at in that store reminds me of him.  He adores books.  And always had one with him.  There are piles upon piles of them at home.  His nose was always buried in a book.  And there I was, surrounded by books.  And everything in there, I saw him.  I gulped back my sobs inside so as not to make a scene.  I got my books.  And left.  I considered getting him a Star Wars graphic novel so he could at least look at the pictures.  Then I had to remind myself, he cannot hold a pen, much less a graphic novel.  He cannot read small print.  And Mom says he sleeps at least 20h a day.  

Oh what a world.  

My next mission is to find a small poster for Star Wars or Game of Thrones.  I must get Dad something for Christmas.  Even if he does not make it to Christmas.  I still must try.  I must go through the motions.  As long as he is alive, I will treat him as he is- alive.

Life upates on Dad

Well, a lot has happened since my last post, which I forgot to share on Facebook.  It has been a month.  And boy howdy, what a busy time it has been. 

I flew to Portland for a GORUCK Halloween Tough and hang out with a friend that moved to the area over the summer.  I worked.  Then I flew to MN to see my parents and check on dad and help out mom.  Then I worked...for eight days straight.  Yes, eight days.  Which means, as of today, I worked 80h+ in a row.  Fuck me.  I am tired as shit.  So tired in fact, that this will most likely be a shitty post and not cover everything I want to cover.

Portland:
Flew in after work on a Thursday.  Hung out at friend's house Friday.  Developed migraine that progressively got worse and worse.  Went out to dinner.  Stopped at REI to pick up supplies the Cadre required at the last minute (dick).  Drove around downtown Portland, nearly peed myself while waiting to find parking spot.  Stopped at Powell's books.  Bought a book on diabetic athletes (yay!), which, of course, was on the top damned shelf and not easy to find.  Desperately tried to get cash back everywhere we went so that I could have the required $20 cash for the event.  Fucked.  Never did get it.  Only had $10.  Meanwhile, migraine kept getting worse.  Worse to the point I was getting vertigo and had been naseated for hours.  I called it.  I was miserable.  Went to friend's house and drank wine instead.  I am satisfied with my choice and do not regret it.

The next 3 days were spent hiking all over S Washington and the Mount Hood area.  Fucking fantastic.  I hiked about 20-25mi in those three days and had a wonderful time.  Sat Oct 29, my friend and I wore our Halloween costumes while hiking near Mount Hood to a beautiful waterfall.  Good times.

I wore my costume to the Portland airport and flew home wearing it.  Yup.  I'm badass.

Worked 4 days.  Then flew out ass fuck early the next day off to go to MN.  I was pissed.  I did not want to go to MN.  I felt obligated to go.  Mom subtly asked and I went.  I was angry at mom.  Why didn't she choose to end dad's suffering?  Why keep him alive while he wastes away to nothing and suffer and become something...something frail.  I did not want to see Dad.  He should have been somewhere peaceful and not suffering.  Not some sub-par nursing home far from home causing mom to commute at 0400h and not work or earn an income to be by his side almost every day.  Why?  I was angry.  And then I got to MSP airport and was stumped.  Now what?  Mom leaves her car near home and takes a train to the Twin Cities and then hops on the metro to commute places.  I was tired.  I did not want to do that. 

I decided on Uber.  Except, it did not work.  So I sat there in the airport near the taxi stand crying.  I was so tired.  I was hungry.  I was angry and frustrated.  I did not want to be there yet I had no easy way to get out of there.  So I cried instead.  And then my credit card company called and said my card was locked.  Fuck me.  I got a hold of Mom.  Was gonna take the metro to her.  Except the machines to buy tickets were not accepting any cards.  I was well and truly fucked and stranded at the airport.  I waited an hour for mom to get me.  Then rode the train 1.5h and walked 0.5-0.75mi to dad's facility, with all my luggage.  Fuck my life.  The day sucked ass.  I did not want to see him.  I wanted to eat and rest.

I was snarky.  Dad woke up a bit and a little bit of me left at that moment.  The look on his face was not recognition of me.  It was blank.  He looked so frail.  And blank.  He was all skull and eyes.  I told him Hi and he rested again.  Mom and I schlepped back to the metro to ride to tour an apartment in the area.  I will admit.  That apartment building was amazing!  That part of St. Paul was also amazing.  It now ranks higher than Minneapolis as a pretty awesome city.  Then we went to the hotel to check in.  By now, I was beyond hangry and despondent.  I took my frustration out on Mom.  I called my sister to vent.

We finally ate.  Then Mom asked if I wanted to go see dad and get our luggage.  I told her what I thought about the situation.  How upset I was.  Mom finally cried.  She finally told me how she felt about the situation.  She finally told me why Dad is still alive.  And it breaks my heart and makes me so very angry.  Mom visited with an elder care attorney and associates.  They went to her home and listened to her story.  Since Dad never had a living will or an advanced care directive, the state requires that he stay alive.  And that the family must pay for that care.  And that if the family cannot afford it, the state liquidates their assets, looking back five years.  Which means divorcing dad would be useless and not protect the assets.  Any gifts mom gave over the past five years are considered income lost and count against her.  WTF.  How terrible.  Mom has no income because she is staying by my father's side...70 miles from her home.  She is living off her savings.  Soon, the 90days of Medicare will run out and my mom will have to pay the nursing home thousands upon thousands of dollars a month.  Fuck you, system.  Fuck. You. So. Hard.  I now have so much more respect for "Right to Die" states and laws.  Because what this state is doing to my family is cruel.  It not only prolongs my father's suffering.  But now it makes the suffering increased exponentially on the family of the dying.  Dying is now a massive burden.  Rather than celebrate life, families now worry how they will survive themselves.  What will their future look like while their assets are drained on a person with no hope of recovery.  What a terribly broken system.

I felt for mom then.  I did.  I saw her pain.  She did not want Dad to suffer any more either.  But she was powerless to do anything about it.  Other than be by his side and ease his mind as best she can.  To stand up for him when the medical care he is recieving is not up to par.  I visited Dad.  He was interactive.  He spoke when they put his valve in to talk.  His mind is mushy and details are not there as much.  He deflects questions from the staff that try to check his memory, but I know Dad.  I know he does not know the answers.  I feel for Dad.  I love Dad.  It makes me sad to see him there.  This skeletal body that holds the being that is my father.  This is my father.  And I love him.  Even in this state of deterioration.  Dad tries hard to stay awake and be interactive while I am there.  I show him photos of my recent adventures.

Mom gets her apartment.  I am both happy and sad for this.  I am also admittedly jealous of the apartment and its beautiful view of the Mississippi River and St Paul.  It is a good apartment for her.  The management took pity on mom and will furnish her with a bed and some other furniture so that she would not rely on an air mattress and boxes.  There is good in the world.

Then came Tuesday.  Election Day.  The Day of American Reckoning.  I had already submitted my absentee ballot weeks earlier.  My parents did the same.  We watched the states turn either red or blue.  We watched the outcome occur.  For lunch I had an amazing flight of vodkas (6 of them) at a Russian restuarant.  Mmmm, I forgot how yummy Russian food is.  Toured a Catholic cathedral near by as well.  Mom got word her and Dads dog was unable to get up and suffering by the dog sitter.  As we rode the metro to visit dad, my mom cried on the phone.  She called the vet to have him go to her house and end the dog's suffering.  Oh mom.  I am so so so sorry.  I wanted to take her pain away.  She had already been through so much.  And now she could not even be there for the death of her beloved dog that has been her companion and reminder of dad for all this time.  She said she would wait a few days to tell dad about the dog's death.

All in all, it was a good visit.  I am glad I went.  I had a good time, circumstances considered.  I hugged my dad.  Patted his head and told him how much I loved him.  Time to go to the airport (with my brand new Samsonite 10-yr warrantied Chewabacca patterned rolly luggage bag...since mine had broken on the way to MN). 

And I sit here and think, there is a new Star Wars film coming out in December.  I have never known a life without my father taking me to the latest film, or at least telling me all about it and asking me about it.  This will be the first time I may not have a father for a Star Wars film.  I wont be able to talk to him about the film and discuss the characters.  I know this is simple and a small thing.  But every time I see advertisements for the film, I think these thoughts.  And I mourn a bit on the inside.  My Dad will never leave that bed.  He will never go outside again or walk on his own.

When I found out the dog died, I reached out to my GORUCK community.  I asked those on a group for GRT dog owners to send photos of their dogs to my father.  And wished anyone that has a husky near by, if it could come visit.  A fellow GRT reached out and contacted a friend in the area who owns a husky.  She brought Hans the husky to visit my dad this week.  Mom broke the news to Dad earlier this week about Bear.  According to her, he has cried so much since.  Another GRT painted a husky statuette in the likes of Bear and sent it to Dad.  He cried when he got it.  I am so thankful for the goodness in this world.  For the woman of Hans who was able to let my dad see and pet another husky before he goes.  Thank you so much.  Truly.  I do not have enough words to describe my thanks.  I feel it so much on the inside and want it to be known that doing good in this world reaches far.

I love you, Dad and want you to be at peace.  I will watch all Star Wars films in your honor.  And make a point in life to dork out on each and every one...just like you have. :-)