The Namaste Exhibitionist

Hokay.  Mid-holiday week.  Eeeee!  This also means it is my birthday week.  I honestly am not excited for it.  Not because of aging.  That does not bother me.  More because life lately has been sort of meh.  I have gotten back on the working out bandwagon, which makes me happy.  But other things in life that are completely out of my control add that constant back ground stress.  Those things out of our control. 

Me fucking around Xmas eve with my ipad photo settings.  Look!  Sleeping dogs!

I miss my Jeep terribly.  And I know that the at-fault driver insurance should be paying (reimbursing) me for my rental.  But that does not ease the fact that it is still money out of my pocket until I get paid back.  I wish money was not so important in this world.  It is by far my #1 stressor in life.  And that is mostly due to my lack of it.  But I know hundreds of thousands of Americans can commiserate with me on that problem.  No matter how hard some of us work in life, we will always be in debt.  We will never not be budgeting and possibly being in the red each month.  That is the American way of life.  And I think it is terribly wrong.  Sometimes I regret my choice of college.  Rather than a DIII small liberal arts college, I sometimes wish I went to a DI giant state school that would have been cheaper and had more class opportunities.  Simply so that I would not be so far behind in life in the adult financial world.  But these are not things they teach you in K-12 school- being an adult is hard. Ha!

Apparently Carrie Fisher died today.  She had a heart attack a few days ago.  Dead at 60yr old.  My Facebook feed has blown up regarding her death.  Some even posted links explaining how and why she died.  Why?  I did not know her?  I feel sharing such information is invasive to her personal life and family.  Why does the public, people who never knew her, need to know the details of her death?  Strange gossip-drama driving society that we live in.  I honestly do not care.  People die.  It happens.  It impacts those close to that person greatly in ways those of us who did not know that person never will.  Death is an intimate thing.  And my family is getting very intimate with that process.

Dad has lasted much longer than any of us ever thought he would.  And, to be frank, this is not a good thing.  To continually watch someone turn into a ghost of the person they once were.  The term to be dead yet alive fits his situation.  He is a corpse kept alive by machines.  I do not love him any less than before.  It just makes it harder to watch.  The process of my Dad’s downward spiral to eventual death has not been a good one for my family.  Rather than bring extended family together, this process has glaringly pointed out the deficiencies within the extended family.  I was never close to anyone in my family other than my immediate family.  I rarely saw anyone else (heck, I rarely see my own).  And thus they fit into the term “family” very loosely and hold no great value to me.  Little more than a stranger in passing for the most part.  I feel no sense of loss at this.  It is simply the way it is.  People that have not spent time in my life do not get to be front and center in it.  My friends and coworkers are my family.  They are my support group.  I love them.

 

Roomie got me the husky as a gift.  I gave it to Dad for Xmas.  He LOVES it.

2017 is looking to start out busy as shit.  Especially January.  My schedule will go something like this:

2^nd week: teach mini academy class at work.  Court to testify.  Dad stuff.

3^rd week: Dog sit.

4^th week: Job interview with command staff (eeeeekkk!!), physical test, polygraph, etc. (if I pass, then look for housing and relocating). More Dad stuff (his b-day time).

Note: 3 of those events will be out of state.  Which means I need to fly at least 3 round trips.  Did I mention my credit cards are still maxed out since the money from my holiday check had to be spent on fixing my Jeep and getting new tires? Blargy blarg.  January is my cause of stress.  I know I will get through it.  But I am dreading and looking forward to a variety of things.  But the part of me that is excited feels guilty for that excitement due to the other stuff, which is definitely not exciting.  I need to not guilt myself for being happy at things, even if in the midst of unhappy things.

//end rant.  I just needed to vent that.  It has been truly stressing me out.  I’ve been keeping it in, not wanting to share it much.  But every time I see some stupid post about Carrie Fisher, I get irritated all over again.  *breathe*  I must remind myself to take a step back.  Breathe.  Namaste that shit.  Yeah.  I’m gonna Namaste the shit out of those thoughts.  I feel better already. J

I’m resourceful.  I will figure it out.  I always do.  Sometimes I think having a blog is such a selfish exhibitionist type of thing.  Me sharing my thoughts with the world.  Am I sharing them for me- to get them out and express them?  Or am I sharing them to impress others and show them how amaze-balls I am?  Hmmmm, I think, if I am honest with myself, it is a bit of both.  Yup.  Me.  The exhibitionist.  BWHAHAHAHA! No no, wait.  The Namaste’d Exhibitionist of thoughts.  Yeah.  I like the sound of that one better.

 

Toby dog squirrel-watching on Xmas day at friend's house.

So, Christmas.  Yep.  I worked it.  This was my sixth Christmas I have worked.  It was pretty good.  I ended up with OT, too.  Balls, we have so much snow!  It is great! 

Working on death arrangements and memorials is no easy task.  I am proud of Mom willing to work on this when it must be so hard.  Dad loved his children.  I could tell when I went off to college, he did not like being an empty-nester.  He loves the company of young adults.  He especially loved giving women/girls the same opportunities as men/boys.  I recall in my youth, Dad fighting and working so hard to get sporting programs for my sister and I to participate in at our local community.  He got together with other parents of our friends and started an AAU (Amateur Athletic Union) league for girls in basketball.  He loved working on it every season.  Holding try-outs.  Hiring coaches.  Planning tournaments and all the detail work involved in that.  My parents attended every single one of my sporting events when I was in school.  Every. Single. One.  Even the away games that were a 3h one-way drive.  They made it.  Mom kept stats of the games and they filled us (my sister or I) in on how we performed in the game and what we did well or needed improving.  Dad loved sports.  Adored them.  But he ultimately adored watching my sister or I participating in sports.

In that thread, my family would like to start a scholarship type fund in Dad's name to help girls/women participate in basketball in my hometown community.  I know much research will need to be done for this.  As I do not know anything about starting a fund.  Raising funds.  Determining applicants and the criteria for the person(s) to receive the funds.  So, if any of my friends are familiar with this process, your input would be much appreciated.  I want my father's name to live on in what he was passionate about and continue to help girls who love sports in the town I grew up and he lived most of his life.  So, Dad, I'm gonna go out and do something awesome.  And that is to carry on your name to make a difference in more little girls lives who aspire to be athletic badasses. :-)

'Tis the Season!

As you all may know, I am a curmudgeon.  I do not look forward to holidays, nor do I celebrate them much.  I prefer to work on holidays, especially those centered around family.  That way I have something to do and not sit at home alone and hungry.  I do not pity myself to spend holidays alone.  The vast majority of my adult life has been spent doing holidays alone and I am not bothered by it.  I enjoy my own company.  And if it is Christmas time, I thoroughly enjoy a good Die Hard movie marathon.  Nothing says Merry Christmas quite like a "Yippee kai yea, motherfucker!" a la Bruce Willis style.

This year I will be working on Christmas.  My sixth Christmas in a row that I will be working.  I have quite a few amusing memories of Christmas at work.  I have noticed a trend in the past few years which honestly annoys the fuck out of me.  Clearly, very few places are open on Christmas, especially eateries.  Shari's and IHOP are the chosen two sit down restaurants that are open.  And since I do not cook AND I am working, I would usually have Christmas dinner at one of these fine establishments.  Unfortunately, I cannot do that any more.  It appears more and more people are opting to eat out on Christmas rather than at home.  This means, I cannot eat because there is an excessively long wait time, which I cannot do on my job.  The past few years I have actually not eaten on Christmas because I had no food and could not get food anywhere else (grocery stores are also closed).  This only goes to increase my bah-humbuggery.  Yup.  BAH HUMBUG!!  I anticipate the same problem this year, too.  I already ate through almost all my food at home in anticipation of moving anyway, haha.

This year, I get to go to court on my birthday (a few days after Christmas).  Am I not the most lucky gal on earth?!  I told the judge and PA that I would go only if the PA brought me a cupcake.  We all had a chuckle on that one.

Last week, I was watching my roommate's dogs while she went home to visit family.  As usual, I try to exercise the piss out of the dog since they are such high energy dogs.  I managed to go to Celebration Park after work one day and hike by full moonlight.  Beautiful.  We also went to Wilson Creek where a fog was rolling out and everything had a surreal misty look.  So this time, I opted for Jubilee Park near the county dump.  It is convenient and we had had sleet/rain, so I did not want to drive too terribly far in crap roads AND the dogs can run around off leash AND it is the closest off leash area to me.

It started out with three heeler/border collies running out at my truck when I arrived at the parking lot.  I drove over to the sheep herder hut parked in the lot and the owner got his dogs.  One escaped and greeted the dogs and I.  Then we were on our way.  Merry happy frolicking dogs running amuck in pretty scenery.  Yep.  Until I call them back at one point and see blood in the prints of one of the dogs.  Alas, she severely cut the toe pad of one of her rear feet.  Clean straight cut.  And super deep and bleeding profusely.  And she does not seem bothered by it at all.  I had nothing to put on her foot other than a poop bag and that would not stay.  So we hiked back to the truck.  I called roommate and let her know status.  I did some emergency roadside first aid via TP, poop bag, hair ties, hard twist tie band and a sock.  Voila!  It worked.  We booked it to the vet where dog spent the night and had sutures put in.

 

Apparently the cut nearly severed her toe.  The main cut I saw was 1" deep and it made a "V" shape and the other half of the cut went inside her toe and was 1/4" deep.  Youch!  Cone of shame and tranquilizers it is!  I emailed the county parks and rec to let them know about the injury since it most likely was due to trash people dump out there rather than pay money to do it at the dump.  Unfortunately, this is a common thing for people to do, especially in desert type terrain.

I had my third session for my half sleeve tattoo last week.  I am so happy to see how my tattoo is progressing.  It incorporates things that are so important to me and a significant part of my life.  I look at it a feel a swell of pride and happiness because it is so beautiful and has a story/memories behind it.  I added a part I was not planning to add this last time around.  It helps that my tattoo artist is pretty badass and doesn't mind my whimsical potty mouth.

 

Now I get to deal with a lovely excema outbreak from the tattoo.  Sweet baby Jay-sus, it itches like a goddamned muthafugger.  I've been on allergy/anti-histamines for a few days and moisturise 2-3x a day.  I'm trying not to over moisturise since I know in the past, that has been an issue for the skin to breathe.  But fuck all, it wake me up at night it itches so badly.  For once, I wish the outdoor temps were decent enough for me to wear a tanktop outside, hahaha!

Stopped by the shop that has been fixing my Jeep.  I really miss it a lot.  Granted, I am enjoying the F-150 as my rental car simply for all the space inside of it.  I do regret having a 2-door Jeep.  It's a PITA most of the time for space allotment.  Sadly, I have to get all new tires.  One of them was destroyed in the crash and having only one new tire is not feasible since it would ruin my suspension components.  So I must buy 3 new tires with my own money.  Grrrrr...  At least Discount Tire does a price match.  The tires I wanted are $280/tire at their shop.  I found them online, with free shipping for $231.52/tire.  Wooooo!  I save $50/tire, YUSSSS!  The bill still amounts to over $1000 with everything mounted and disposed of.  Blargh.  Being an adult sucks sometimes.

I did find this cool table that does US and metric tire size comparisons/conversions: http://www.offroaders.com/tech/AT-MT-Tires/pmetric-inches.htm

Lately I have been in a fitness slump.  First I severely strained my pec, then I get an ear infection and my time management while dog sitting prevents me from going to the gym.  And now I just feel blah.  I realise getting back into the swing of things is the hardest part and I do adore working out.  Somehow I just seem to feel tired so often.  I imagine there may be a bit of mopeyness from work-related things as it is a high stress job that continues to be made more and more difficult over time.  I figure I ride it out and make the best of it that I can.  I am thankful for having such a wonderful support network of friends.  I simply must watch my "What is your Why?" video, get out of my slump and get moving again.  Simple as that.  Let's do this!!

Public Service Announcement: Ear Infections Suck!

Let’s start out with this Public Service Announcement:

You are never too old to get an ear infection.

Yep.  It’s true.  One of those maladies you think you only get as a child, like chickenpox or scabby knees.  Which, yes, I know, on the occasion, adults get those things, too.  In fact, I have scabby parts all the time due to the activities I choose to engage in.  Get your mind out of the gutter!  I was not talking about those kinds of activities.  Bitch please!  As you have read, dating and any sort of intimate adult activity is apparently not in the stars for me.  Moving on…

Eat infections.  They suck HUGE donkey balls bigtime.  As an adult, whoa Nelly!  I now know why children scream and cry and fuss so much when they have them.  I guess when I first felt the pressure I should have done something about it.  But no.  Wait a week or so.  It’ll clear up.  It’s probably just ear wax blocking my ear canal.  Nothing major, right? Wrong.  I stayed up an entire night since I was in so much discomfort after the pain in my ear progressively got worse.  I went to Doc in a Box.  Diagnosed with Swimmer’s Ear.  Which apparently you can get even when you have no swum.  I blame my ear piece for work.  There is no other explanation I can think of.  They irrigated my ear to remove wax.  Which, whoa that hurt a lot.  But I opted for it then and now.  I did not see any reason to come back in a few days since my malady was diagnosed and would improve thereafter…right?

I was prescribed ear drops and sent on my merry way.  Da Fuq!  Yeah…swimmer’s ear only, my ass!  Pain in my face/neck/ear like I have not ever felt occurred that night.  Holy fuck shitballs.  Left message for dr I went to see the day before.  They returned my call about 4h later and told me to come in.  Luckily I have an amazing roommate who drove me over.  Same dr.  You know what he said, as I wore my sunglasses and am hunched over in agony (photo sensitivity and massive pressure prevented me from being upright and able to tolerate lights) and crying out of frustration: “Hmmm, I thought this would happen.”  Bitch!  What did I just hear out of your highly educated ass?! Did you just say you thought my issue would continue to manifest to this point and never gave me one bit of heads up about it?  Oh fuck no you did not!  I was in too much agony to respond.  More meds dispensed.  Amazing roommate picked me and went to get my meds for me. Netflix, my woobie and I had a massive bonding session on the couch for the next few days.

We had Thanksgiving with friends over that night.  I greeted friends.  Went upstairs and slept for 2h.  I could no longer open or close my mouth.  There was too much pressure on my jaw and too painful.  So I shoveled squishy food in there.  No chewing.  Not that I was hungry anyway.  One friend made this amazing chocolate mousse.  Oh man.  A-mazing!  Roommate made me rice and turkey soup that lasted me more than a week.  Did I mention how amazing my roommate is?

Finally got to go see my REAL doctor.  Guess what?  I had an inner and outer ear infection.  Huh.  That was nice to know since I certainly was not told that by the other doctor.  I got permission to return to work the next day.  Yay! 

On my way home from dropping my uniforms off at work, I got T-boned.  Yes.  You read that right.  My first accident in almost 10 years, since I lived in DC.  My poor Jeep.  Amazingly enough, the SUV that hit me, hit my rear driver wheel/tire.  No body damage!  For once in my life, I am thankful my Jeep is lifted and on 35” tires.  Granted, my wheel was bent to hell, bead popped off tire thus completely flattening it. I heard a snap noise at impact, but am not sure it was her or my vehicle.  I opted to have Jeep towed to friend’s shop since I was uncertain of other damage done.  Great.  Now I was vehicle-less, too.  Coworker who did traffic control on scene (different agency handled crash report) drove me home.  Mousse-making friend brought me to Enterprise Rental for me to get a temp vehicle.  Then I went to ER room to have my hip looked at since it was continuing to bother me since the accident.

As of today, 7 days after the accident, no progress on Jeep since waiting for insurance person to look at it.  I got myself a lovely 2WD F150. Weird.  I can say that it performed fairly well in new snow, ice and mud (drove to Wilson Creek yesterday).  Feels strange to drive such a light weight large pick up (aluminum framed) vs a 2014 model which is steel-framed.  Honestly, I’d rather have a steel framed truck than a piddly lightweight fishtailing slipping and sliding aluminum better mpg truck.

Hmmmm, what else?  There are updates I could add, but I am currently waiting on updates on other things.

I have discovered a pretty cool website.  It is useful if you are ever looking to relocate and want to know cost of living comparisons.   Here it is: http://www.bestplaces.net/cost-of-living/

I was wanting to know the state by state outcome of the 2016 Presidential election (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_election,_2016).  I found out that Hawaii, Rhode Island and New Hampshire and Idaho are the only states with 4 electoral votes.  Man, we’re moving up in the world!  I thought Idaho only had 3, hahaha!  Funny enough, the other three states with 4 are teeny tiny states versus Idaho being a large landmass.  Here is Idaho’s info on the 2016 election: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_presidential_election_in_Idaho,_2016 and http://www.nytimes.com/elections/results/idaho andhttps://www.sos.idaho.gov/elect/results/2016/PresidentialPrimary/united_states_by_county.html (this shows the Idaho Primary election in March 2016 results).

Trump garnered 59% of the votes.  Only 2 counties were “blue” majority (Sun Valley area- Blaine County and Latah County)

Took the dogs on a jaunt to Wilson Creek this past weekend.  After a week of snow, rain, sleet and cold, the dogs and I were chomping the bit to get out.  Roads were slick.  I drove through a near whiteout wall of fog dropping down Hwy 45 to the Snake River.  Fog was over the Owyhees but cleared up while we were hiking.  It was gorgeous.  I love it out there.  So peaceful.

EDIT: Got quote today to fix the Jeep.  Yay!  I love progress.  My baby is gettin' fixed!

Thanksgiving Adventuring!

This past week was Thanksgiving week.

My work schedule recently changed so that I now work the front end of the week.  This also meant that I did not work on Thanksgiving.  For most of you, this would probably be a good thing.  For me, this was a thing to be dreaded.  I do not like having holidays off.  I would much rather work and have my coworkers who cherish holidays have that time off.

I was fretting as to what to do.  I knew that I wanted to go camping to get away from society for a while.  Camping is a time when I find solace in the world.  Holidays have the opposite effect on me.  Had I stayed home, I would have been by myself with little to do.  Instead of this, I opted to spend my time better.  To be outside and cherish the world around me.

I knew I did not want to head into the mountains to the north.  I was going to be by myself in my Jeep plus a hyper wonderful female German shorthair pointer.  I did not want to risk getting caught in snowy winter conditions in the mountains.  So that narrowed it to the south.  To the Owyhees!  The problem with the Owyhees is that they are remote and little visited.  Which, generally, for me, is a fantastic plan.  And still held appeal for me.  But when precipitation occurs in the Owyhees, you do not want to be driving on it.  Slippery as snot comes to mind with that clay mud stuff.

I decided to set up base camp at Bruneau Sand Dunes State Park near Bruneau, ID.  And then I would go explore Big Jacks Creek Wilderness.  And if I had time, Little Jacks, too.  I packed the Jeep the night before.  Roommate took her older Pointer to a friend's house.  After work on Wednesday, I picked up May dog and we set off on our adventure.

I monitored the piss out of the weather and saw that rain occurred on Wednesday morning, but was not forecast for the next few days.  Yay!  High in mid 50s and low of 29F.  I got this shit!  We arrived.  Had the camp ground to ourselves.  I decided to set up the tent in the shelter meant for the picnic table.  I then blocked another side of the tent with the table and backed my Jeep up to the fourth side and voila!  My tent was basically protected on all three sides.  Bruneau is notorious for having strong winds...hence the stand alone sand dunes (420' tall, biggest ones in North America!).  I put the lights on May and we went off hiking in the dark.  We watched the sun set.  We climbed a dune in the dark.  We looked at an awe-inspiring starry sky.  And we had the world to ourselves...minus the creatures that live there, and a travel trailer of people camped at a separate camp ground.

 

I layered up the floor of the tent with camping air mattresses side by side.  Then piled on a bunch of folded blankets and woobies.  Then my Elk Hunter -35F sleeping bag.  And I set my ruck and back pack along the edges of the tent and my feather down sleeping bag around the head of my sleeping bag.  I put May inside my bag and I stuffed myself in there, too.  It was cramped.  And hot.  Oh so hot.  I had to take off some of my layers.  The coyotes sounded out in full force.  So did the owls.  And May was restless.  I got very little sleep and was uncomfortable most of the night trying to share space with a shorthaired dog that I was not sure if was too hot or too cold, hahaha!  And no way was I letting her outside with coyotes and 20sF.

We awoke.  Watched the sun rise.  Saw hunters shoot and get a few geese flying over head.  We made Mountain House breakfast and French press coffee.  Then we were off adventuring!  I brought along my handy The Owyhee Canyonlands book by Steve Stuebner as a reference point and some printouts from websites that seemed informative:

• Stueby's Outdoor Journal
• Recreation.Gov
• Sangres.com 

  I knew that I wanted to hike Parker Trail and Zeno Canyon.  Both of which are in Big Jacks Creek.  The directions were not super clear on how to get to Zeno.  Luckily, there were BLM placards placed at "major" intersections.  So I stopped to look at the map of the wilderness and took a photo of it.  I decided that Parker Trail was easier to get to and that I would start there.

 

 

Easy drive.  Well.  If you have clearance on your vehicle.  Beautiful scenery.  And we were off on our hiking adventure!  The trail was clearly marked.  You start out on the top and walk toward a canyon where you eventually start going into the canyon, which is Big Jacks.  You get to a barb wire fence with a wooden ladder thing built over it.  I had to pick up May and place her on the big rocks next to the ladder so she could get over/through.  And then, BAM!  You see the canyon you're hiking into.  And fuck all.  It is goddamned gorgeous.  I take pics.  We hike all the way to the bottom of the canyon where there is a creek.  May splashes in and drinks.  I marvel at the world around me.  And strip off some of the layers I am wearing.  The clouds move through and the sun begins to shine when I make it to the bottom.  Happiness.

 

 

We are utterly alone.  No one around for miles and miles.  Believe me, I know.  I'd have seen the wheel tracks on the way in on Wickahoney Rd.  We hike out.  I stop at the Register and sign in.  No one had signed in since 11/17/16.  It was currently 11/14/16.  I wished the page a Happy Thanksgiving...in my party of one. :-)

 

 

 

 

I popped open my beer that I brought along.  A mango ale.  Fuck yes it is good.  Sockeye got that one right.  Then we were back in the Jeep and time to find Zeno Canyon.  Well.  Let me tell you.  Zeno Canyon is waaaaaaaaaay in there.  And the directions for that trail head are even harder to understand.  I ended up using the photo I took of the BLM placard map to figure out where I was.  I kept driving and driving.  The farther I drove, the more remote I was getting.  I could see patches of thin snow on the ground.  It was becoming more common place.  I finally made it to the turn off for the road that would lead me to Zeno Canyon.  Snow was everywhere in a thin layer.  But remember what I said earlier?  Precipitation in the Owyhees means slippery dangerous quagmire shit.  I turned on to a desolate, rarely used two track road (Wickahoney Rd is a nice gravel road).  The two track was covered in snow.  I braked and slid all over.  Damn.  Common sense told me it was time to turn around.  So I did.  No sense risking an emergency situation and or injury for this adventure.

 

So we turned around.  And drove back to Bruneau/base camp.  And oh boy, the wind had picked up.  I recalled the forecast said it would be 20-30mph winds that day.  They were not kidding.  We hiked the dunes.  May decided she wanted to go for a swim.  I was not pleased.  This meant the vest and her are now all wet.  Which in turn, means going in the tent is a no go.  So we hiked a lot more to try to dry her out.  We walked the dune ridge line.  It was amazing.  The sun was quickly setting.  I was undecided what to do next.  The direction of the wind meant that my shelter would not block it.  And wind AND cold are a bad combo.

I start to set up dinner.  I open the tent and in pops May.  In her wet vest.  On the sleeping bag.  Yup.  That just happened.  It was an omen.  I was tired.  And not looking forward to a windy cold night.  I decided to pack up camp and head home.  I could eat my beef jerky and gummy worms for Thanksgiving dinner.

 

 

On my way home, a friend texted to invite me for dinner.  So May and I headed to Eagle, ID and enjoyed the company of friends and food.  May had a blast playing fetch with the kids and behaved herself very well.  I was thankful to have such a good group of people that I know and call friends.

So, even though my goal was to avoid people and celebrating holidays, I really did get the best of both worlds.  I got my outside solace and my people and food-filled enjoyment, too. :-)

This weekend has been a very good one.  I am very happy.  I teared up a bit on my drive back to base camp when I thought of Dad.  I try not to think about him too much.  Well.  I do and I don't.  I went into Barnes and Nobles today to pick up some gifts and use a coupon I got.  I nearly lost my shit in there.  I was at a loss.  This is the first time in my life that I will not be getting Dad a gift from BN.  Everything I looked at in that store reminds me of him.  He adores books.  And always had one with him.  There are piles upon piles of them at home.  His nose was always buried in a book.  And there I was, surrounded by books.  And everything in there, I saw him.  I gulped back my sobs inside so as not to make a scene.  I got my books.  And left.  I considered getting him a Star Wars graphic novel so he could at least look at the pictures.  Then I had to remind myself, he cannot hold a pen, much less a graphic novel.  He cannot read small print.  And Mom says he sleeps at least 20h a day.  

Oh what a world.  

My next mission is to find a small poster for Star Wars or Game of Thrones.  I must get Dad something for Christmas.  Even if he does not make it to Christmas.  I still must try.  I must go through the motions.  As long as he is alive, I will treat him as he is- alive.