weight is overrated

Whenever I go see a doctor, I always tell the PA not to tell me what my weight is. I have come to the realisation that my life is a haappier place when I don't know that number. In my world, especially growing up, those numbers are powerful, hateful things. I have lived my life fighting against those numbers. My very happiness is tied to those numbers. They reflect my self esteem and have been the biggest source of depression and unhappiness thus far in my life. Today, the doctor sent me my summary online. And yup. I saw that number. For the first time in months I saw it. I was not overly pleased with the number, but, well...my world is still intact. It has not come crashing down around me. It is a number. I will always fight it. Society tells me so. But now, since I know I lead a healthy life and am very active, that number can go fuck itself.  My clothes fit so much better than before. I re-notched in my belt buckles at work months ago. Fuck you weight numbers. I am better than you.

Funny story this week.
I see a chiropractor every so often since my body is not what it once was, especially with my active lifestyle. I was telling him what was sort, but that life was pretty good. He advised me that he was not sorry for my soreness since it was due to my fun, adventurous, exciting lifestyle. I found it flattering, haha!

I learned this week that my particular health insurance is very hard to work with when it comes to (progressive) women's health. I find this highly frustrating. They would rather a woman go through exploratory surgery before approving major surgery. Therefore, twice the cost. Twice the recovery time. Twice the pain. How fucked up is that?! I am hoping my doctor is convincing enough for them so that I can be approved. *fingers crossed*

This also annoys me in that the insurance is very much pro-family. Which, yes, society is built upon family. But some of us have no desire for procreation. At. All. So, if we desire to have those organs removed or altered, especially if they cause excruciating suicidal-induced pain, then I think it is that person's right to have those/that surgery. So what if that person is still of child birthing age? If that person does not want kids, why punish them with continued pain because it is against your (religious-based, usually) life standards and not good for business (less people/kids = less money in their pockets).

In other news, on Easter Sunday I went kayaking all day. It was fucking fantastic. There was a bald eagle nest near the launch site. Also saw blue herons, red tail hawks, grebes, wood ducks?, musk rats, turkeys and many other birds. It was a beautiful day full of sun, wind, rain, calm, clouds, warmth and chills. Fairly standard Idaho spring weather. Ate lunch on a sandbar. Isolated. Happy. Great times. :-)