Asinine Drivers *le sigh*

Scenario:

You are driving on a 2-lane road.  Speed limit is 50mph.  The vehicle in front of you (lifted 1990s Ford F150 with loud exhaust) is going 10-15mph UNDER the speed limit.  You have been behind this vehicle for a couple of miles and they are simply not going to go any faster.  You go into oncoming lane (checked to make sure no one is coming toward you) to begin passing the slower vehicle.  The slower vehicle sees you and speeds up pacing you, leaving you stuck in the left (oncoming) lane.  So you speed up more, as does the slower vehicle.  You manage to squeeze in front of them and slow down to a reasonable speed.  Previously slower vehicle now tailgates you and puts on their brights.

FML, really people?  W. T. F.  I simply put on my cruise control and refused to play their stupid and dangerous game.  Oh, and guess what?  They shortly stopped tailgating me since apparently going 54mph was too fast for them.  Sometimes I wish I had a superpower to mentally wish harm upon others for their stupid actions.  I kid you not.  And when I mean harm, I mean karma occurring....like, right now.  BAM!  blow out a tire.  Or SPLAT!  Giant bald eagle shit smeared across your windshield.  Love me some karma like that.

Am I the only person who sees someone update their Facebook status with something like: "I'm preggo!" (or some more creative way of saying: I made a poor choice and am now going to suffer for the rest of my life) or "Just got engaged to my honey bunny!" and my immediate first thought is "My sympathies"?  And then the follow up thoughts are either: "Are you keeping it?" and "When is the divorce scheduled for?"

Pet peeve of mine?  When some chick births a crotch fruit and then brings it to work and (I swear to Goodness Goddess sake) ALL the women come cooing over wanting to fawn over the creature (which more closely resembles a mini Gollum and makes the sounds of an annoying kitten).  Thus the room is now full of cooing, ooing and aaaahing.  And the spawn is passed among people fighting to see and touch it.  W. T. F.  Ew.  No no no.  Keep it away from me.  It's ugly.  I'm afraid to touch it for fear of breaking it or it shitting on me or spitting or some freak accident of SIDS or some shit.

According to the Pope from an article on Boston.com, my life is basically meaningless and full of solitude.  The quote:

"Pope Francis said Jesus does not like marriages that are sterile by choice and such marriages end in solitude, according to Vatican Radio."

Actually, I think the Pope would keel over with a heart attack if he saw the life I live:

• Full of unmarried sex (*snort, full of?  yeah right.  In your dreams, Hannibal) for the purpose of pleasure and not procreation (ew)

• No life partner (yep, I totally said life partner)

• No plans to squeeze out any crotch dumplings or tie the knot

• Areligious (hmmm, maybe agnostic?  Fuck, I don't know)

• Living with men and women (all unmarried)

• Working on Sundays

• Curses

• Itches my crotch in public (or pulls out a wedgie)

• Never read the Bible or any Holy Scripture (unless in my Religions East and West course in college)

• Am a firm believer in choice

• Am a firm believer in everyone being created equal and deserve the same rights (unless someone commits a crime so atrocious that they no longer apply to human rights)

I'm sure the list could go on, but now I'm hungry and want to eat a cheeseburger with bacon and lettuce and tomato and stuff on it.  I wont.  I'm too lazy to buy the food and prepare it.  I'm also too stingy to spend money for a restaurant to make it for me.  So I'll just sit here being hungry instead.